unpolished [lams]

Cycle (Pt.2)

A/n: Did we seriously made it to 24K? Like...really?

My god, guys, I love you so much you can't even imagine!

THANKS A FUCKING LOT GODDAMMIT THIS IS SO AMAZING!!!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤

I don't really know how to thank you, so I'll just -

Here, have some gay shit ✨

******

I always fear that I'm not living right,
So I feel guilty when I go to church.
The pastor tells me I've been saved, I'm fine,
Then please explain to me why my chest still hurts?

I've spent four thousand on the Mart MCFlys
Yet, I'm still petrified of going broke.
Got someone gorgeous in my bed tonight, yet I'm still petrified that I'd die alone.

I'm just so sick of being human...

John grabbed a fistful of his hair, groaned. Grabbed a pillow and started screaming on it.

"Fucking hell!" He shouted.

That same pillow was thrown at his dresser, knowing down a portrait of him and his best friend, Alex.

And that's what he's been struggling about, his growing feelings for the small red haired boy.

"Do you even like me back?"

Ever since Alex had made that question a week ago, John was incapable of sleeping, or eating properly. He was even skipping classes to avoid looking at Alex.

He ran away in that moment for fuck's sake!

Right after the question was asked John panicked. He didn't know what to say, he was in a little shock by it. I mean,

Who declares his feelings for someone and asks if they feel the same way in less than 5 minutes?

John's head was a mess. He wanted to hold Alex and kiss him like he was holding for dear life. But he couldn't do that to Eliza, or to their group of friends.

He was going to become a villain. Because, no matter how much Alex liked him, he just knew he was going to carry with the blame, not because he was the only one involved, but because his novelty wouldn't let Alex get any of it.

But in the end (A/n: IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTEEEEEEEEEEER) the truth was one; John felt the same way, maybe harder.

And it bothered him having so much moral and ethical standards. If he was a little more, just a little more crazy, he would have grabbed Alex in that moment and pin him against the wall and...well, that.

It felt horrible to contain all those things just cause he didn't want to cause an altercation, but he wanted Alex, he wanted him bad.

My mother calls I have no time to talk,
But I can find the time to drink and smoke,
Took fifteen hits till I can barely walk,
I threw up on the lawn, I can't find my phone.

I got no nuts to tell the one I love,
That he's the reason that I wrote this song,
And that's some coward shit, I know it sucks
But Laurens call me when you hear this on.

I'm just so sick of being human...

To say that Alex was in pain was an understatement.

He felt broken, confused, angry but most importantly, he was sad. Very, very sad.

Did he fuck up that bad? Did he really was that stupid? He wasn't stupid!

But it's been a week since the last time he and John talked, and he was really anxious. But he was no coward.

No he wasn't!

Right now he was on his way to his girlfriend's house and was about to make the hardest decision of his life since he got into high school.

He felt no shame anymore, neither he felt any blame.

Yes. There was a moment in his life some months ago when he was sure he liked Elizabeth. Of course. But right now, he just... He didn't.

And not her, nor anyone was going to make his existence miserable. They were one week away from starting finals and he couldn't have anything unnecessary eating on his brains.

Though John was trying hard.

He sighed. Knocked on the door. Eliza's little sister Peggy smiled at him, told him she was studying upstairs. Mentioned something about having a friend over but Alex was so busy choosing his words that everything else seemed unimportant.

He went upstairs and saw that one door he knew to much slightly open.

Something inside him told him to go inside immediately, so he went to do it, though the image wasn't what he was expecting.

Now he knew he didn't have to talk to much. Now he wasn't confused about his relationship, he knew it was over.

I mean, what else could mean the fact that Elizabeth was over some dude's lap, kissing him?

The song it's Human by Jon Bellion.

Fun fact: The song actually says "Lauren" I just had to change the 'she' for 'he' and add an S to the name.

Last part coming soon. ❤✨