Drifting Snowflakes

Don't Let The Tide Come And Wash Us Away

Do you think Hazza and Niall are OK?" Martin suddenly asked the man he knew as Jamie. "I mean, they both seem kinda spaced out since Doctor Nomis talked to them."

"They're fine, Martin. He's a good therapist. Maybe he just stirred up some stuff they have to process. You know that happens with therapy." Liam said, his voice infused with confidence. Inwardly he grinned to himself. Yes, the boys were spaced out. It was only temporary effect of the drugs Nomis had given his unwitting patients.. Necessary drugs, needed to play with the subconscious. But Martin didn't need to know that. "They probably just need a sleep" Liam continued and Martin nodded. Yes, that was it. Therapy could be exhausting and they'd probably be better after a nap.

Several hours later , Martin started calling the crew together. "The bus leaves in an hour, time to get things moving, guys" he called out.

"I'll  go chase up Niall and Harry" Liam offered and headed upstairs to the bedrooms. He had to bite back a coo as he looked at a sleeping Niall. Niall's hair was all ruffled, his cheeks delicately pink and his thumb was firmly in his mouth as he sucked it in his sleep. Stealthily Liam snapped a picture then sent to to Zayn before approaching the sleeping lad , pulled his thumb from his mouth, then  gently shaking him awake. Niall blinked groggily at him and held up his arms. Liam pulled him up into a cuddle and Niall immediately buried his face in Liam's neck and breathed in the smell of the man's cologne. It felt so safe to Niall, so familiar. Familiar? What? Niall jerked back suddenly. It was like there was a thought, a memory trying to break through but as swiftly as it had come, it drifted away, leaving the young man totally confused.

"Ummh, sorry" Niall backed away from Liam in embarrassment at having found himself cuddling his security guard. " Not quite awake here, must have been having a weird dream or something." He blushed but Liam just smirked at him though he had been taken by surprise at the sudden expression on Niall's face.

"I'd better wake Harry" Liam said. "Get yourself ready, we're leaving soon." He stood up from the bed where he had sat to wake Niall and walked briskly out of the room, pondering Niall's look and reaction. He'd better tell Nomis, it would be dangerous if Niall fell back into headspace too soon. Timing was everything.

Everything fell into place smoothly and the tour was running well. Niall enjoyed being on stage, it was where he belonged, where he felt truly at home. The only fly in the ointment was the strange thoughts and dreams he had been having lately. Harry confessed he'd been experiencing the same , so both boys concluded it was probably because their joint therapy session had churned up old thoughts and emotions. But it was helping them .....    wasn't it?

Niall stared out of the tour bus window, idly strumming on his guitar. He had half formed thoughts buzzing around his head so he paused from time to time to write these vague emotions into his journal that housed all his song ideas and lyrics. He was so lost in his thoughts that he jumped when Harry suddenly sat down next to him.

"Hey, Nialler" Harry leant forward and picked up Niall's journal, scanning the odd words , he frowning as he did so. Niall's words, though not sentences, had begun to convey ideas in his own head that suddenly started to form into a complete concept. He cleared his throat then spoke. "It's like something is trying to wash us away, like we're clinging to the ground but something is pulling at us."

"Hazza, you're a genius!" Niall yelled. He put his guitar to one side and started to rapidly scribble in his journal as Harry watched, totally bemused.

"I'll just make tea, shall I?" Harry muttered and walked towards the small bus kitchen. He got no reply, the only sound was Niall's pen scratching across the paper and the occasional ,rougher, sound of words being scribbled out. The tea Harry had made and brought back, got colder and colder , but Niall never stopped, just picking up his guitar from time to time, picking out notes and chords, before returning to writing once more. Harry sat in silence. finally burying his head in a book. When Niall was in this mood, he knew he'd have to possess his soul in patience.

Niall finally threw down his pen in triumph  and grabbed his guitar once more. He strummed  a few chords then stopped and grinned at Harry. "This is it, Hazza. This is what it feels like...us being pulled into that f.cked up community and being scared of being pulled back. and our safety here ending. It's like we're here, safely on the sand but we're both afraid those waves are going to come and grab us, pull us under again.   It's called "The Tide" ". He played the opening chords and began to sing.

Hazza listened as Niall played. His friend had captured it exactly. The fears Harry had of being pulled back to that Town. Fears Niall shared with him during those dark nights when they'd both found themselves waking up scared from the nightmares that haunted them both. The fear he felt when he found himself thinking of his "daddy" or when Niall mentioned his own "daddy" or called out "Baba' during his worst nightmares. Would they ever be free, he wondered. Was it possible to heal from the trauma? Why did Harry feel that the tide really was going to come in and wash them both away?

"What'cha   think, bro?" Niall's voice pulled Harry from  the thoughts that were swirling in his brain.

"Niall, I'm scared. That song, it is so perfect, so descriptive . It's made sense of all the thoughts and feelings that I've been trying to sort out since we got back here. And I really am scared, Niall. I don't know why, can't even put my finger on anything that could make me feel this way, but...." he paused and looked into Niall's bright blue eyes..."I'm scared there is a tide that's going to come  and suck us under the waves. And when it does.........." He stopped , and saw the faint color wash out of Niall's face, leaving it as white as his own. Niall had summed up their fears in a song and it had shaken them both rigid.

Niall lay in his bunk, sweating and  shaking. He'd woken from another bad dream. This one was haunted by soft brown eyes. The brown eyes he'd written about in his song, The Tide. Daddy's eyes! No, that's not right, not right at all. His Da's eyes were blue. His own eyes a carbon copy of Bobby's. His Da didn't have brown eyes.When would this torment stop? And why was he having memories of staring into those brown eyes. He had another  flash back memory of his own eyes staring up at a blurred face, only the eyes clear in his memory. He remembered his small hand reaching up and touching the scruff on the cheek of owner of those eyes. He  suddenly sat bolt upright , pulling his knees into his chest and burying his head in the arms he'd wrapped around them, as he softly began to whimper. He was going mad!