The Curious Case of the Two Dirk Gentlys

23: Attempt 2

Victoria was in tears when they arrived but Albert seemed unaffected. He played around his sobbing mother's feet as Richard tried desperately to comfort her. Dirk and Svald sniffed around for something to trigger a hunch, Todd looked around for a reasonable explanation (an instinct he still hadn't shaken). All three looked like idiots as they circled the room over and over.

"And we're sure he didn't just walk out?" Asked Svald.

"Robert wouldn't just leave Albert by himself. What kind of dad would do that?" Victoria snapped.

"One under a whole lot of stress." Svald replied.

"Gone. Dadda gone." Said Albert. He chewed on his fingers, proudly announcing his loose understanding of the situation.

"Oh God this is all my fault." Victoria sobbed into her hands. Robert patted her back as if doing so would somehow help. Knowing Svald lead to many strange and distressing situations. In the downtime he liked to tell himself that he'd adjusted to them, that he'd be ready when the next one came. Then the next one came around and rushed him off his feet and he'd have to pretend to be the sane one while everyone else went mad. As Svald and his temporary assistants searched the room he couldn't help but wonder if Todd felt the same way.

"Of course not, dear. People randomly disappear all the time." Said Svald.

"I just came home to get a few things and Albert was all alone in his high chair. I don't even know how long he was sat there." She cried.

"Got any theories, Svald?" Asked Richard.

"Victoria was my theory." He grumbled.

"Really? You've got nothing? Not even a hunch?" Asked Todd.

"Well that's the problem with being a holistic detective isn't it? You don't get anything until the universe throws it at you. You just sort of walk around until you trip over the answer." He muttered.

"Or it trips over you." Said Dirk.

"Indeed."

"Dadda gone." Albert repeated.

"Yes Albert, Dadda gone." Snapped Svald. Then he stopped. A bolt of lightning shot through his mind. He turned to Dirk to see that he too had stopped and was staring back at him. The answer had fallen.

"Svald, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Asked Dirk.

"I don't know. I think so." Said Svald.

"What's going on?" Asked Todd.

"Maths time." Svald announced.

"Oh joy. My favourite." Mumbled Richard.

"Don't worry, Richard. It's simple logic. Now Victoria, when you were here with your very impressive 95% of disappearances were you alone?" He asked as he paced up and down in front of the sofa.

"Well no, I was with Albert." Although in terms of conversation she was still essentially alone.

"And our second highest, Lulu. Who was she babysitting?" Svald smirked.

"Well obviously it was...Albert." her voice trailed off as she began to release what was going on.

"Oh, oh and who wasn't in the house when we were testing Victoria?" Asked Dirk.

"Albert." Todd released.

"Really, Svald? The baby?" Asked Richard doubtfully.

"Yes, Richard, the baby." Nodded Svald.

"Oh no. I could just about take having the finger pointed at me but Albert? You really are a quack aren't you?" Victoria shouted.

"If you don't believe me then believe Dirk." Svald scowled.

"Until you prove it I won't believe either of you." Victoria growled.

"Oh I will." Svald replied calmly. "But firstly I'm going to need a laptop and access to your credit card details."

"What? What for?" Asked Victoria.

"Expenses dear, expenses." He grinned.