So Comes Snow After Fire

22.i For All Your Pride, to Follow Me

"You're not going after her?" Thorin repeated uncomprehendingly after Kíli. He had expected his nephew to respond far differently to the news that a marriage to Tauriel was sanctioned at last.

Kíli stared silently back at his uncle, chin raised and eyes determined, as if willing himself to hold to his purpose.

Thorin continued, "Kíli, you have your brother's and my full support in this. Fíli's succession is already secure." If Kíli was afraid of causing political trouble, he need not be.

"It's not that, Uncle," Kíli said tightly.

Thorin sighed, feeling momentarily at a loss that his young kinsman seemed so stubbornly opposed to his own good. "You're quite clearly miserable without her," he said.

Indeed, Kíli's misery showed even in his appearance. Despite his heavier beard, his face looked leaner, and from the easy fit of Kili's clothes, Thorin suspected the lad had lost weight, a nearly unheard of ailment for a dwarf. If he had not thought the remedy was now in his power, Thorin would have been more than a little concerned for Kíli's wellbeing.

As if following his uncle's thoughts, Kíli took a weary breath and explained, "This isn't about what's good for me; it's what's good for Tauriel. I can't ask her to marry me. I might as well ask her to let me break her heart." He spoke as if he could imagine no greater woe.

Of course. Faithful Kíli would once more willingly deny his own desires if he believed the good of one he loved was at stake. And yet this time, Thorin suspected Kíli to be overscrupulous.

"Have you considered that her heart is already broken?" Thorin prompted.

Kíli's expression settled into one of deep distress. "I know I've hurt her. That's why I can't do it again. I can't ask her to watch me die. Don't you see?" He sounded as if he were trying to convince himself, as well as his uncle. "There's still a chance for her to heal from this. She can find a life with someone else. But once I marry her, she's bound to me forever. I might even be the death of her. They say the elves can die of grief."

Thorin smiled faintly, moved by this display of Kíli's true and earnest love. "I honor your selflessness," he said. "But Tauriel has already made her choice by loving you." From what he had seen of the bold-hearted elf woman, he thought she was as little likely to forget her beloved as Kíli was.

"Thorin, please!" Kíli protested. "I have made my decision." Then seeming to remember himself, his look of faint frustration softened. "I am deeply grateful to know you would have accepted her. I will not forget that you have offered me this."

Kíli bowed. Then as soon as he had risen, he made for the door, as if unwilling to let his uncle say anything else to dissuade him.

Thorin let him go. He knew from long experience that arguing with Kíli when the lad's mind was freshly made up was quite pointless. Far better to let the matter settle in Kíli's thoughts before confronting him again. Besides, Thorin felt instinctively that Dís might gain the attention of her son far more easily than Thorin, or anyone else, could right now.

However, he remembered, Dís knew nothing of this situation yet. And so, after trading his regal garments for more understated and comfortable attire, Thorin left his rooms to find her.