Alpha Says Stay

24. Hate Me

Hate colors the soul.

It spreads throughout the entire system, shutting down all other feelings, and becoming central to the life one owns. If not controlled it can easily blacken one's heart and mind.

"Um... My name is Simon Ivan Hawthorn and uh...I got emotional and anger management problems...I think."

My brain is a violent whirl of stupidity, trying to organize the chaos in my life. It seeks to discover a way to control everything I see and want.

So I got problems.

What's better than venting out all your feelings towards a stranger?

Even if I have to repeat the same part of the story every damned time.

"I'm twenty eight years old and married to an annoying wife and father of six boys and a bonus boy from not my wife and an extra boy that came out of nowhere. I really don't care of them. Heck I barely even know of their names. Of my kids that is. I am a very very very selfish man. I left them four weeks ago promising my wife I would return in six months. I'm lying though. I'm not intending to go back to them at all. All I wish to go back to is to my mansion and to my people. This time I will burn down everyone who disobeys me. I tried to change, trust me I did, but I don't have it in my genes apparently for a good change."

The therapist glance at me and before she said anything, I kept on ranting.

"I mean the only fucking person who can change me into a better person, barely stands my presence. She hates me even when I told her many times it wasn't my fault but when she looks at me with her sweet innocent brown eyes...all I see... Is hope in myself. Maybe there is a chance I can keep her. Just got to keep her away from the truth."

"And what is that truth Mr. Hawthorn?" The therapist finally managed to say her first words.

"That...we're all monsters trying to be more humans..." I stared up at the white ceiling.

Truth is whenever I see into Angie's eyes, it's far from hope. I see myself as the monster in her eyes. For some reason that's all I see and I have no clue why.

That's all what she sees.

The real truth I don't want her to know is my life. My personal life.

"Now as monsters...what do you mean by that? Do you mean mental thoughts affecting you in a way?" She thoughtfully fixated her eyes upon me.

"Um you could say that. Listen I am married but even that doesn't make me stop being who I am."

"And you are...?"

"Alpha. And I get whatever I want." I sat up from the black leather chaise lounge.

"You have a very vivid mind sir," she quietly laughed.

Humans...

"Now back to reality... What you are telling me is you are unfaithful husband to your wife because your mind wanders off to another woman? Does this sound correct?"

Did she not listen to my whole story???

"Yeah whatever."

"I'm sorry Mr. Hawthorn I'm really trying to understand you the best way I can," She sighed. "It's just your way of words sound more role playing to me."

"Excuse me?" I frowned.

"It's been a week now Mr. Hawthorn and all I've gotten," she paused and glanced quickly in her notepad. "Is you speaking in terms of fiction fantasy. Why is it you mention so much of being Alpha? Vampires, cats, and crazy fathers after you?"