✔ LITTLE MARA! ― (BRANDON ARREAGA)

thirty six

His hand was placed on my thigh. It hadn't moved ever since we left the fair. A teddy bear sat in my lap, taking up every inch of space I had to move. The night had been indescribable.  Everything was perfect. We rode, or at least tried to, every ride at the amusement park. It was nearly 11 when we decided to leave.

"That was really fun, Brandon. Thank you." I said, glancing over to him. His eyes glanced over to me and a small smile fell onto his lips. "What are you smiling about?" I asked, shoving his shoulder lightly.

"Nothing, i'm just really happy baby." he said, making my cheeks flush. His thumb rubbed over my knee and I wasn't quite sure if he could feel the goosebumps or not. Maybe he did and just didn't care.

With a smile on my face I leaned my head against the window and wrapped my arms around the teddy bear. "That things bigger than you." Brandon said, making me sit up straight and glance at him, "The teddy bear." he said once again as I continued to stare at him.

Something had been bothering me ever since I'd gotten back in LA. I tried to always push it away, scared that i'd hit a rough patch with Brandon if I asked him. If I don't let it out right now it will literally eat me inside out.

"Brandon," I said, making him glance over at me. I didn't take my eyes off him as he turned back to focus on the road after he hummed in response, "What did you do after I left that day?" I asked, my voice low. I was surprised he even heard me.

His murky brown eyes turned to glance at me then back at the road. His tongue poked out from behind his pink lips and i've began to notice he only does that whenever he's nervous. "I thought you were just going to stay in your room until it was time for you to go back home, but once Nick went to check in on you, you weren't there. Nothing was there. Nothing had been touched. Everything in me just kinda fell. I knew I messed up and I swore to myself that If something ever happened to you i'd never be able to live with myself. Nick was worried sick about you and so was I. We both tried calling you, texting you, anything we could. We talked to the other boys of the house and they said that they had seen you and talked to you before you left," He paused and I could hear him sniffle, "You were already gone. Zion wouldn't tell me where you went and went completely ballistic. I basically went insane. I didn't eat for weeks. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't even think straight. I got in trouble so many times because me and the boys were trying to record music and I would just blank out. Every time I would blank out, your face would flash in the back of my mind and I didn't know what to do."

"I'm sorry." I whispered, my hand placing itself on his bicep.

"What are you sorry for? It was all my fault. I made the stupidest decision in my life and I lost the best thing that ever happened to me. I practically ruined everyone's life because of what I did to you. I'm the biggest fuck up in the entire world." he said, a single tear falling down his cheek.

I didn't even know what to say. I knew I shouldn't have even said anything. Fuck me and my curiosity. It's like when a wound is healing and you peel the scab off. It hurts now and you're right back where you started at. I feel like I just opened up a healing wound in Brandon. He beats himself up over what he did. I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned my head to face my lap. In my peripheral vision I could see Brandon glance over at me over and over again. I knew he was expecting me to say something, but I couldn't.

When I glanced back up to look at Brandon, headlights shone through the windshield. The sounds of tires screeching and glass breaking were the only things I could hear. I tried to pry my eyes open but it felt like a thousand ton bricks were holding them down. My hand searched blindly in the wrecked car for Brandon's, but I couldn't do it. "Brandon," I whimpered, hearing something move.

I forced my eyes open, the sound of my heart beating loudly could be heard in my ears. I was almost frightened to look around me. I've seen final destination and that shits scary, "Brandon?" I called out again, my eyes opened.

I looked over to his side and seen he was unconscious. His chest rising and falling slowly. I was scared to move. I looked in front of me and seen the teddy bear blocking my view. I glanced to my right and tried to move my arm but it was stuck in between the seat and door. It hurt really bad.

"HELP!"  I screamed, hoping someone could hear me. "PLEASE, SOMEONE HELP!" I screamed again, tears pricking my eyes. I'm not good under pressure or pain. Tears began to slowly fall down my cheeks as the faint sound of the ambulance was heard. "HELP!" I screamed again, my chest hurting.

Everything felt as if it were moving in slow motion. Red and blue lights shined brightly in my face, forcing me to squint my eyes. I couldn't hear anything anymore, other than my own heartbeat. I heard yelling and shouting as the sound of metal was breaking. I let my head fall backwards as I could support myself anymore.

As everything fell back around me, I could feel a hand faintly grab me.