My brother's best friend

Chapter fourteen

It's been six weeks and I haven't heard anything from Daniel. That was fine because I had Catharina's studio to worry about. She and Anina left a week after Taylor's party, leaving me in charge of everything. 

I've been very busy and barely had time to think about Daniel. But every day at five when I stop at home I see his car parked in the driveway across the street and I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I handled things differently.  

I also avoided Taylor. I didn't want to tell her about her brother and I. It always grossed me out when she would come and vent about her and Will. I wasn't about to do the same to her. Besides, he doesn't remember so I guess no one else in his life knows either. 

Inside I collapse onto the couch feeling more exhausted than I have in weeks. I loosen my bra in an attempt to lessen the pain and irritation. Just as I become comfortable a wave of nausea overtakes my body and I hurry to the bathroom. 

After rinsing my mouth out I decide to take a shower. I glance at my reflection and frown. I turn sideways and inspect my body. That's odd. It seemed I gained weight. I should be losing weight with the new exercising schedule I have. I pull open the cabinet under the sink to get out the scale but my eye catches the still closed packet of tampons. 

I pull on my clothes and shut the water off. I hurry to my car and start driving. I need t get to a store where they don't know me. A store they will never know me at. I try to think of the last time I had my period. 

Why can't I remember these things when I need to? 

I try to calm myself down, telling myself that this was normal. I try to reason my way out of this, but they're just isn't away. I try not to think the word. I push it aside every time it tries to pop into my head. 

I finally stop at a small one-stop-shop and get out. I hug my handbag to my chest as I hurry into the store. I eye the store clerk before heading into the isles. I grab a home pregnancy test. I look at the little white box and wish they didn't have to make it so obvious. Why did it have to be written all over the box in an eye-catching colour? Why couldn't it be a plain box and only you knew what you were buying? 

I grab a bag of chips and two candy bars. Maybe the odd combination of items will throw off the guy standing at the till. I take a deep breath before I head to the counter. 

I wait for the customer in front of me to finish. I am painfully aware that there is another person behind me who can probably see all my items, including the pregnancy test. 

Something came over me and I turned around with a smile on my face, "It's for my daughter." The lady behind me looks unsure of what I was talking about. I wave the box to show her what I was talking about. She nods her head slightly. "Teenagers, what can you do, right?" I ask before turning away. 

Teenagers? I'm too young to have a teenage daughter. If I have a teenage daughter I was very young when I had her. Too young to be able to judge her life choices. I can be such an idiot sometimes. 

I can finally place my items on the counter and pay. The guy doesn't even notice the test as he stuffs it into a small white bag. I hand him the money and hurry back to my car. 

Back home in my bathroom, I am staring at the small stick. I haven't worked up the nerve to take it yet. I only opened the box and placed it on the sink. I was now having an intense stare-down with an inanimate object. 

This isn't possible. It was one night. A night that Daniel didn't even remember. This is a mistake. And to prove it I will take the test and it will be negative. 

The stick is back on the sink, but this time I am pacing back and forth, waiting for the five minutes to go by. The five minutes seem to drag on forever. I look at the time on my phone and pick up the stick quickly. Before I can look, I shut my eyes. Making a quick prayer, maybe it wasn't too late. 

I open my eyes and look down at the stick. Two very different emotions wash over me. First, it was dread. It's positive. There's a little human being growing inside of me which I had no intent on having until I was like thirty. 

The second emotion was just as powerful as the first. Joy. I have a little human being growing inside of me which I have every intent on loving and caring for till I no longer can. 

I keep staring at the stick. I am not sure what I am hoping for. Maybe for it to become negative? Or do I want it to stay positive? For now, I am going for the former. 

I throw the stick to the side and run my hands through my hair. It was one night. It can't be happening. People are always shocked when it happens to them in a movie, but the way they show it isn't as nearly as bad as it is to experience it yourself. You always think it will never happen to you. That doesn't happen in real life, you mumble to yourself. 

Well, it does. It does happen in real life. And it can happen whether it was your first time and only one night. And the feelings of shock and dread and joy and excitement are more overwhelming then they can ever show on TV or in a book. 

I sink to the floor and let myself go through all the emotions as they roll over me. 

The last two thoughts I had before total panic took over was: How am I going to tell Daniel? And Will?

You don't have to tell him.  Something inside me whispers. I shake my head. I have to tell him. He as a right to know. But how do I tell him? How do I tell him that the one night we spent together, that he doesn't even remember, ended in a small person inside me? Do I just tell him, "You're going to be a dad"? Can I text him? Probably not. 

One night, amazing as it was, is changing into very large problems with no easy solutions in the near future.