My brother's best friend

Chapter Thirty-Three

It's Monday night. My birthday. And as expected Amanda went out of her way to throw a beautiful party for me. She tried to invite lots of people, but honestly, I don't remember most of them. There are a few familiar faces, but no one I really know. 

I stare at my house across the street. I can see Aiden's light is on. I check my watch. 6:05. Amanda and Dwayne are babysitting tonight, and they only have a few more minutes before he needs to go to bed. 

"Come on, Linds. You can't just stand out here." Taylor grabs onto my arm and starts leading me away from my viewing point. She pulls me into the house where people where chatting loudly, trying to be heard over the music. 

She hands me a drink, "Drink up, you need it." I stare at the beer, not really wanting to drink it. "Come on, it's your birthday." She squeals. I put down the beer, "I told your brother that I didn't want a party. I don't know half the people here." She shakes her head, "You know how my mom gets. She just wants to help." I shrug, "I know, but I'd rather have a nice dinner with all of you than having a loud party and getting drunk." 

"Just drink the beer, you'll feel better." Someone calls her over and she leaves me alone. I sigh and take a sip of the beer. How I wish the night was over already. I take another sip of the beer. 

"Should you be doing that, little sis?" I turn around and see Will smiling at me. I wrap my arms around him, "How have you been?" I mumble into his chest. "Fine, thanks." I let go and look up at him, "I thought you weren't coming?" "I'm not missing my little sister's Twenty-second." He kisses my forehead, "Happy birthday." 

"Oh, I almost forgot. This is, Jessica, I met her on my recent business trip." He pulls a girl to his side. She smiles and holds out her hand to me, "Call me Jess, please. Oh, and happy birthday." I shake her hand, "Jess, nice to meet you." "Likewise. I've heard a lot about you." I look up at Will, "I wish I could say the same." She laughs, "Yes, well, I was the one who was hesitant." 

"Daniel!" I almost jump when Will calls over his best friend. Daniel and Abby come over all smiles. Abby pulls me into a hug, "Happy birthday." She squeaks as she tightens her arms around me. I hug her back, but I can't deny the relief that washes over me when she lets me go. 

Next Daniel pulls me to his chest. A wave of calmness rushes over me as I snuggle against his chest. In that moment there's just us. Just me and him. Like in my picture. I take a deep breath, trying to imprint this feeling in my mind. He whispers into my hair, I assume he's wishing me a happy birthday. He pulls back and then reality hits. Abby takes his hand and leans against his shoulder. In the corner of my eye, I see Will's hand wrap around Jessica's hand. I'm all alone. 

For a while, everyone chats, make jokes and laughs. I try not to watch Daniel too closely. But I have a feeling I'm failing. As time goes by my heart breaks little by little. "Excuse me." I say, pushing past Daniel and Abby. I leave out the back door and head to the back of the small pool house. 

I sit down on the dirt, wrapping my arms around my knees. I try not to let the tears come out. I'm 22. I have a whole life before me. I don't need someone in my life. But I've never felt so alone before. And I've never wanted Daniel this bad. I mean, sure I wanted him since I could remember, but not like this. I've never wished a girl to just disappear. I never felt so jealous about a girl being able to hold his hand, to lean on him. 

"Linds," I don't look at Will. I don't want to talk to him. Not now. He sits down next to me and for a while, he doesn't say anything. "You like him don't you?" I'm shocked at his question, "What?" "You like Daniel? And don't bother denying it. I saw the way you looked at him." He throws something into the dark. 

"What would you know?" I snap, irritated with myself more than with him. "I know the look. It's the look mum gave dad. He returned it, too." Will throws something again and this time dirt splats against the wall and some come flying towards us. 

"Will, I don't-" "Don't lie to me Linds." Will snaps, "Tell me the truth." I glare into the dark for a moment. "You want the truth? I like him. I've liked him since I was like 15. And for a moment I thought he did too. But then-" "Abby." I shake my head, "No, this was long before her. Like I said I was just a kid. But he kissed me, no one knew, but-" 

"I knew." I frown at Will, "What?" "I saw you guys. The night after that picture was taken, years ago." He takes a breath, "I told him to stay away from you. I told him I would beat him if he ever touched you again, and then-" "Then he broke my heart." I say, a lump in my throat. 

"You knew, you knew I cared for him and you still chased him away?" I ask, staring blankly. "I knew what he was like, Linds, you knew how he was. He was a player." "He's your best friend." "And that's how I knew he was going to hurt you." My head snaps to Will, "He hurt me anyway." Will shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. 

"That's when you made him promise never to touch me. Not after you and Taylor called it quits." I say, still feeling pretty numb. Pieces of my life that never made sense finally fell into place. 

Daniel, always at a distance. Never really coming close unless Will disappears. Treating me one way when my big brother was around than when we were alone. 

"I didn't know you liked him this much, to still like him after like 8 years, it's insane, Linds." Will says, reaching out to me. I pull away, "I love him, Will." It's barely a whisper, but I said it. I love Daniel Greene. I always have. 

I get to my feet. "I can't believe you did that, Will." He gets to his feet, "I did it for you, Linds. I was just looking out for you. All I ever wanted was to keep you safe. I didn't mean for you to get hurt." I shake my head, "Look what good that's done." I leave before he can say anything else. 

I rush through the house, out the front door. In the front garden, I stop and take deep breaths. I struggle to breathe. I look up as I try to calm myself. Stars blink at me like they're winking, signalling that they know something I don't. 

"Lindsey." I cringe when I hear my name. "Go away, Daniel. I just want to be alone." I don't look at him. I keep my eyes on the secretive stars. They keep winking at me and it was driving me crazy. But they were better than looking at Daniel at this moment. 

"You know I don't leave you alone." He says I can hear the smirk in his voice. "Not even when Will tells you to." I snap, my eyes zoned in on his now. I see the shock run over his face. "He told you." I nod, "Everything." I take a pause, then, "You broke my heart." 

He reaches for me, "Lindsey-" I step away, "No, I was head over heels for you, always have been." He looks down at his shoes, stuffing his hands into his pockets, "I'm sorry." 

"Sorry? Is that why you did it again, not so long ago?"  His eyes snap to mine, "That's not fair. We were both at fault." I bite my lip, hoping to keep the tears at bay. I look at him for a moment. Without thinking I step forward, taking his face between my hands. I press my lips to his. 

His hands rest on my hips, I feel his nails dig into my flesh. I feel my heart pounding in my chest. He pulls me to him slightly. I pull away, his blue eyes look electric. He rests his forehead against mine. The blue disappears as he shuts his eyes. Then, I guess he was talking to himself, "I can't." I drop my hands and step away from him. 

I should have known this is how he'll react. Why do I keep stepping into the trap? I'm never going to be his first choice. I'll always be his best friend's sister who he needs to stay away from. I don't know what I was expecting. I honestly don't.     

"Lindsey, please, let me explain-" I shake my head, "Save it. You always do this. Lure me in, trap me, then break me. I've been spending the last year trying to convince myself that I don't love you, but none of that matters. It's always you, you're the one who makes the call. You're the one that keeps pushing me away after pulling me in. You need to figure out what you want." 

I quickly turn around and run across the street. I ignore Amanda's calls after I barged into the living room. I lock myself in Aiden's room. Sitting against the door. My whole body feels numb and weak. I hear faint voices downstairs. Later a rattle of the handle of the door,  then a knock later on. 

At some point, I was between sleep and awake. I hear another knock. More like a hammering, not loud enough to wake Aiden. Then, a voice, whispering. "Lindsey, please. Let me in. Let me in." The knocking and whispers faded, as the night went on until they disappeared altogether.