When The Last Ember Falls

Ten

Nesta:

I had felt the distance intruding, expanding. A blackhole in the light of our bond, smothering my flames out. I felt him wither away after announcing ourselves as mates.

I thought it was supposed to be the opposite. I thought we would be like Rhysand and Feyre, a bond that would never break nor shatter under the pressure of life. What foolish dreams to have.

"Will you stop shutting me out, Cassian? Stop pushing me away," I cried in the empty alley on our shortcut back to the townhouse. We had spent the majority of our night out in Velaris. A feeble attempt to regain normalcy after two wars and Ronan.

Cassian shook his head, venom slipping off his tongue, "I do not need to be coddled, Nes."

My body vibrated with anger, the bastard knew I loathed being called Nes yet he persisted in calling me that whenever we would start to bicker. "Stop calling me, Nes. You know I hate it," I swore beneath my breath.

"Just as I hate being asked if I'm okay a dozen times a night!" He snarled, slamming his fist into the brick wall of the nearest building. Beneath his flickering syphon, I saw a thin crack shoot up to the roof. Fragments of brick and dust rained down on us.

I stepped back, my breath shallow, "what is your problem?" Every man, every beast who had ever brought me harm had morphed into my beloved. I saw their faces, I heard their laughter. I tried to shake my head to rid myself of the memories but nothing changed.

Liquor coated his tongue as he viciously attacked, "you are always asking me to talk about my feelings. Did you ever think I don't want to? That I'm perfectly fine? That you're the one with the problems?"

This snapped me out of my nightmares, "how could you say that?"

His expression hardened, his hands raising in frustration, "because I'm sick, I'm so gods-damn sick of being treated like a broken man by you."

Tears streamed down my face, my voice sounding farther and farther away as I took another step back, "we are all broken, Cassian."

"No, you're broken. You're damaged goods, Nesta."

"Take it back..."

Cassian snarled, ponds of hazel igniting, "I will not."

"If you think of me as damaged goods, as property," anger fueled my closing line, "then you are not the man I fell in love with." I attempted to glare, to scare him speechless—I should know better by now.

"That man died on the battlefield, expecting that he returned whole is naïve, even for you," he heaved into the air, wings of fire igniting as he flew towards the stars.

I felt the heartbreak in my chest, the sharp pain of losing him. My knees buckled beneath me as I covered my trembling mouth. I attempted to silence the sobs but failed in my quest.

It had only been days and this is what we've come to.

The seed of my being, the little flame that remained felt like it was fading. An ember being smothered by his words of steel. I held onto my shoulders, rocking back and forth as I cried. This was no place to release my emotions, not here in public—certainly not in a dirty alleyway.

Instead of taking the remainder of the shortcut, I walked through the silent streets of Velaris. Taking the long way to the townhouse, I attempted to pick up what little pieces remained of my heart. I didn't want to face him, I didn't want another apology.

Did he not think that I too was suffering? That he maybe died, but it was me who watched him? I fought for him. I fought against one of my greatest fears—Ronan—nearly losing my sister in the process. Was I not enough of a reason to fight? Was I not enough?