Hiraeth Of The Heart (Tweek X Craig)

Chapter 17, Happy?

   "Why- why did you kill yourself?"

Silence engulfed the air all around us; not even the distant sounds of crickets singing could penetrate the flammable tension in the air.  I felt as the field would set fire to that tension and burn me alive if I made one wrong move.  Craig's brows were furrowed and his eyes squinted as if he was staring down the sun.

"What the hell are you talking about, Tweek?"  Craig scoffed out.

Dead silence.  It strangled me.  I couldn't bring myself to respond to Craig's question.  In fact, I couldn't even convince myself to breathe.  It was hot.  The flames were eating me alive.

Craig continued to look at me as if I was insane - a familiar expression.  He finally jumped up from his spot on the bed of the truck, startling me enough to pull my head back inside and turn to face the windshield in an overwrought manner.  I didn't dare watch him, but I did listen.  I did this enough that I'm sure in a few days I'd be able to tell Craig's stomps out of a crowd of hundreds.  I watched from the corner of my eyes as he opened the tattered truck door and slid inside, immediately facing me once the door was shut.

"Talk."  He huffed, almost seeming to carry a burdened glaze coated over his blue eyes.  I opened my mouth a few times before successfully getting anything other than soft whimpers out.

"Well.. that's how you died, Craig." 
I gargled my words with regret, looking at my intertwined hands that stumbled around in my lap.  I listened for Craig's voice to respond.

"You're sure?"

His voice was shaky, yet somehow still sturdy coming from his throat.

I bit my lip, tugging at its ragged skin as I shook my head up and down lightly.  I took his moment of silence as a sign that I shouldn't interrupt his thinking.  I glanced up at him after finally roping the courage to do so.  His head was hung; wearing a confused expression on his face.  He was holding his hat in one hand, and using the other to ruffle his hair in a thoughtful manner.

"Craig,"  I finally spoke.

He jerked his face up to me raising his brows in question.

"Are you alright?"  I questioned nervously.

He lowered his brows, raised up from his hunkered down position, and began to start up the truck; the sound forcing a flock of birds hiding in the walls of grass in front of us to go flying into the now darkening sky.

"I am."  He slurred as he switched into drive.

He wasn't.

The engine roared as Craig pressed the gas with the tip of his foot.  I squealed lightly; the truck bounced up and down as it slid back onto the bumpy road.  Silence sunk into our lungs for a lengthy period of time before it was finely sliced in two by Craig's heaving of air.

"I don't remember anything, Tweek."

I snapped my head from the windshield to Craig. "What?"

"I don't remember anything that happened during the week before my death. Not to mention, I had a family; friends; admirers."  He spoke calmly while gliding his wrist over the steering wheel, following the road that I assumed led back to his house as he kept his eyes glued to the road.

I was at a loss for words as the sudden confession of the truth spilled from his lips like wine.

"But," He sharply sucked in air before continuing, finally letting his eyes migrate over to me in search of my expression.  "I wasn't happy."

My throat shrunk, eyes watered, and fingers quivered.

I was at a loss.  A loss of heart; words; maybe even a little resentment was lost.  That was a lie.  I hadn't resented Craig in the first place.  Not even in the very beginning- Not even a little.

"You don't have to say anything, it was stupid of me-"

"Me neither,"  I spoke softly. "I'm not happy either."

Craig's face glanced towards me once again, it remained the same as it had been minutes ago.  All except for one feature: his eyes.  They morphed to follow his emotions; his pupils contracting in size.  He was sad.  His eyes left my sight once again as he turned back to the road.

"That's a pretty shitty way to cheer someone up."  He spoke with two upturned corners of his mouth, his dimples subtly poking through his cheeks.

I couldn't help but let my hands move to their own free will, and today's will wasn't promising.  I snatched Craig's hat from his steering-wheel-free hand, only making his smile lengthen.

I gently slid the blue chullo hat on top my frizzy blonde hair, pushing it down enough for it to pop out of the front.

"It's okay to not be happy,"  I whispered just loud enough for him to hear the sense of sweetness in my voice as I spoke, adjusting Craig's signature hat to my head.  He shook his head in dismay, still holding a tight smile. I wasn't able to hold back from holding one against my lips as well.

We finally approached our street after a long ride of swayed emotions.  The truck jolted up against a small bump in Craig's driveway as he pulled in.

I yanked Craig's hat from my head swiftly and swung it from my fingers in front of his face.

"H- Here- Your hat."

He pushed it back in my direction until his hand collided with my chest, the hat under his palm.

"Wear it for now;"  He narrowed his eyes a bit, opening his door with his free hand. "it looks good on you."

My heart jumped in my chest.  It hurt.

Craig hopped out of the truck and gently closed the door to avoid attracting anyone inside, I followed close behind as Craig and I walked to the front of my house, approaching the door before I suddenly halted to a stop.

"Jesus!  I just remembered that my parents hadn't heard from me since school began this morning!"

Craig suddenly frowned as he watched me pull at his hat strings in a nervous frantic, forcing the hat to collapse down over my eyes.  The loose fabric created a blue net over my vision, but I could vividly see a withdrawn Craig's smile through the strong tint.  I could see something like that through a brick wall.  He reached out to me, pulling the hat above one of my eyes and looking downward to my slightly lower eye level. 

I looked back up at him, letting my lips touch the breath that he just so happened to exhale into my face

"Tweek, It's fine. I'm right behind you."

My quivering body didn't listen, let alone budge to the idea of calming down, but my thoughts did.

Craig is right behind me, and because of that-

I think I'll be okay.