Elizabella 'Ella' Adams had the perfect life on paper: caring family, stable job and a serious relationship. But sometimes moments come along in life which make you question whether what's on paper is enough for the heart. Sometimes people can come...
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After this morning's discussion between Jess, Lexi and myself, I find myself standing— enveloped in the dim lighting of my bathroom, staring at my reflection. As I stare I observe my unruly thick hair which I dreaded the need to brush, my blemished skin which featured splotches of pink as part of my natural complexion, and most of all, I instantly noticed the clear sense of regret which had overcome my features.
I had regrettably obliged myself to plans with my sister, Damon, and, unfortunately, Theodore tonight. Now I was left begrudgingly preparing for a night I most certainly was not anticipating. I could almost foresee the utter awkwardness which would overcome us in only an hour or two when I would sit there at dinner trying to suppress my prior thoughts regarding Theodore as well as my anger regarding the situation.
I still had no idea whether he had known who I was as we stood out on that balcony together with only the silence, New York City and us for so long. However, my mind was telling me deep down that surely he had to have known. He was 'seeing' my sister, surely he had heard of me or, if not, could have guessed who I was from what he knew. I also didn't understand why he had concealed his identity as the host otherwise. Whilst an answer to both of these questions would not make me feel any better about the situation, I had this persistent desire for the truth picking at my brain and the curiosity was driving me insane.
Despite the inner turmoil which I had created for myself, with a storm brewing on this dark night both outside and within me, I knew at heart why I had sacrificed myself to my sister's plans tonight. Whilst I had not acted on any thoughts regarding Theodore in the short time which I had known him I still felt an immense level of guilt. I felt that I had betrayed Lexi in the short moment of my attraction to him. It didn't matter if they had, from my knowledge, only been going out for a very short amount of time, or if my feelings did not progress. I felt that I needed to prove that it was all nothing, there it was all no big deal.
Yet, as each other's only siblings, we had shared everything with each other. We were there for each other through every break up and heartbreak, crush, change and happiness. We had latched onto each other throughout our lives together and did not intend to let go. Hence, it all just felt so odd.
I could still vividly recall the utter misery which Lexi had trapped herself with over and over again when her last serious relationship had ended with a guy called Mason. For quite some time Lexi and Mason had been in an on and off relationship, having been enamoured with one another since the moment they met on one of our dad's building sites. To this day, I could distinctly remember the way that their eyes were locked on each other from the moment we had walked into the on-site office and the way which they had instantly been drawn to each other, not wasting anytime before they would start talking and get to know one another.
There's was quite a quick relationship, labelling themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend within weeks and not being able to be torn apart. But just as their relationship was quick to progress, it was easy to fall apart as many young and new relationships do. One moment they would be inseparable and the next you wouldn't see Mason around for days or even weeks. He would come over and meet the family and then the next moment they would have some fight over what stage their relationship was at or something trivial.
