Wish You Were Here - Part 3

Chapter 7

Double update because I love you all so much! Thanks for all the LOVE!
Ruby x

OLIVIA'S POV

"They say the first year of marriage is the hardest, you know?" Bec tries her best to add rationale to my unclear issue as I hand her a cup of tea and take my seat across from her at the table.

1 more day.

Even though Harry's tour finished about five months ago, we were struggling to find our new normal now that we were both back at home in London.

Don't get me wrong, being with him while on the road was something I would never take back.  It was clear from the moment I got there how bad of state he was in and I had gladly given up my job and everything else to support him.

To be honest, I had been struggling without him at home too, the Skype calls and text messages just not enough after a few months and I found myself being more and more withdrawn as I thought of nothing else but him.

Being reunited was like a weight lifted off our shoulders, like I could breathe again. We made amazing memories visiting new places, making love in the soft sheets of hotel rooms all over the world, indulging in room service and private planes. 

Watching Harry night after night being breathtakingly brilliant as he entertained thousands of people and hearing THOSE songs live with people singing them back was something I will never forget.

But the honeymoon, if you can a call a work trip with dozens of other people that, was definitely over and as we started to fall into our new patterns at home, something just feels... different.

We actually forgot about our first wedding anniversary last week and were doing nothing more eventful than eating some pizza with his mum who we told to come over to wish Harry a happy birthday. Imagine how confused we were when she handed us an anniversary present as well.

"How's the sex?" Bec asks abruptly pulling me from my thoughts back to Harry and I's dining table.

I can feel my face heat up and I don't know if it's because I'm embarrassed or because I know I won't be able to find the right words to answer her correctly.

I bite my lip and shrug, my eyes locked firmly on my fingers wrapping around my cup of tea and I can feel Bec's gaze become more intense.

"Ok, wait honey, the sex is the telltale sign that something's not right, so you're gonna have to spill if you want me to help you."

"I dunno Bec, it' s just..." I stop suddenly as I hear the front door click open.

I smile softly as I see my gorgeous husband walk into the room, his sweaty workout clothes clinging to his lean muscles, his long curls tied into a bun and his face red from exertion after his run.

"Speak of the devil!" Bec smirks, knowing I would kick her under the table if it wasn't so obvious.

"Oh yeah? Talking about how I might upstage your groom at the wedding?" he muses and pokes his tongue out at her as he makes his way into the kitchen to get a bottle of water.

We were all so excited when Nathan had popped the question shortly after Harry and I's surprise wedding and Bec is so blissfully in love it's hard to talk to her about anything negative as I don't want to bring her down from her loved-up high.  Scaring her about the harsh realities of marriage is certainly not what I want to do.

"Nathan will be sufficiently more handsome than you, thank you very much," she jokes and I doubt that's possible as he chuckles and his dimple pops in his cheek before walking behind me and placing a swift kiss to the top of my head with a low, "Morning, darling."

"Gonna go shower," he announces "Oh and by the way, bachelor party's in Vegas right?" He teases causing both Bec and I to shout "No!" in grumpy unison and he cackles at the exact reaction he was aiming for.

Our bedroom door closes and Bec leans forward to talk in a hurried whisper, "Alright, spill, I want details, you guys seem fine!"

I want to tell her that everything IS fine from the outside but I can't help the niggling, maybe completely irrational, feeling pulling at the strings of my heart telling me that it's not.

I run a frustrated hand over my face at my inability to pin point exactly what it is that feels off between Harry and I, even enough to be able to articulate a tiny amount to my sister. 

The thing is it's not just one exact issue. It's everything.  We are fighting over wet towels left on the floor, who forgot to pay the water bill or who left the finished toilet roll on the holder without replacing it. 

It's life.. real life.. without drama and cheating scandals in the papers, without proposals and beach getaways, without rehab stays or hidden microphones and most significantly, it's normal, unromantic life after the monumental chase of each other.

"You know what," I shake my head, "it's probably nothing. Like you said, everyone goes through the same thing in the first year." I conclude and she leans back in her chair with an eyebrow raised, not buying my dismissal for a moment.

I can fix this, I just need to change.

I can't lose him.

"Honey, listen to me, I know communication is not your strong point, although Harry seems to understand you on a different level, but both of you can be so stubborn.  If something is off you need to talk about it with him," she says completely logically and I nod a little at the guidance I've already told myself a million times in my head. 

"But don't be too hard on yourself, or on him, trying to have a baby can be stressful enough without the other shit you two deal with because of Harry's job." She reaches across the table as rubs her thumb along my hand that clutches my cup a little tighter.

"I know," I murmur thinking about my so called 'normal' life I'm complaining about which also includes photographers and false stories, the hoards of women trying to sleep with my husband and the added pressure of constant travel.

1 more day.

It had been a good ten minutes since I had thought about tomorrow, one more day until I'm at my peak fertility again or about ovulation or supplements until Bec just mentioned it, it had been a welcomed relief from the anxiety that is now flooding back like a tsunami.

I had started trying to fall pregnant about a month after I joined Harry on tour, our hope and probably incredibly naive assumption that it would happen quickly and easily, giving us ample time once the tour was over to prepare and make adjustments before the baby came.

Eight months of disappointment has followed and as the months progress so do the nights of obsessive research and tests and the doctors. 

As the negative pregnancy tests piled up, the anxiety around it started to increase, the worry that there was something wrong with either of us gratefully cleared by a specialist but made it no less frustrating.

Did we leave it too late? Was I too old at the ripe age of 28? Was there something wrong with us together despite individually being healthy? What if this never happens for us?

Sex has turned into a scheduled calendar meeting that is about as emotional as doing our taxes and it is affecting everything we once were and I'm not sure how to get it back.

1 more day.

A/N:

OK that was a LOT of new information.

What do we think?

ASK ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT !

Love Ruby

x