Wish You Were Here - Part 3

Chapter 13

HARRY'S POV

I have a love/hate relationship with fame.

On one hand, I am beyond grateful to the fans that they show up to gigs, buy tickets, travel where I am and genuinely love my music.  I will never be able to repay them for my career and therefore posing for pictures, signing autographs and meeting with them is a small price to pay for something that I am infinitely humbled by.

On the other hand, their enthusiasm often means my privacy, safety and personal freedom is compromised.  That, I can deal with, it's my choice to engage and do the work that I do. But taking those things away from Olivia just because she happens to be in love with me, is punishment for something she has no control over, and maybe it's selfish of me to put her through it.

I fucking hate the treatment she gets from fans and the press, hate it more than anything, and although I never comment about it or respond to the abuse, I often find myself debating if this is all worth it.

She knew what she was getting into when she kissed me in that pool in Greece, she put it off for a painful amount of time, and now that I see what she has to deal with, I can hardly say I blame her.

All of those negative things that I have to deal with are cancelled out by the positive aspects for me.  The love, the support, the commitment from fans and being able to make music for a living.  For her, it's just abuse, and all just in order to be with the man she loves and who loves her.

How is that fair? And more importantly, how long will she stay before she can't stand it anymore, before they drive her away from me? What will it take for her to leave?

I shouldn't think of it as a certainty, but lately it sure feels that way.  I feel like there will come a day where she will pack her things and I will look back at the time when I was happy, as if it was another lifetime, a time before I was empty and filling it again with meaningless sex and drugs and the lifestyle of the 'rockstar' that I always wanted to be.

That's the lifestyle I'm bring driven to the more successful I become, it's a double edged sword of wanting greatness but it coming at the ultimate price.  No wonder so many before me have succumbed to the crazy.

She always used to say that I was worth it, but am I?  What am I giving her in return? I forget to tell her I love her and leave her in empty stadiums while I'm off debating whether being single was better than this? 

Fuck, I have to change.

I can't lose her.

The silence in the car is deafening as she pulls her coat close to her chest again and stares at nothing.

"Liv, I'm sorry," I tell her and although it sounds like I'm apologising about the situation at the restaurant, it's actually far more loaded than that.

"I know, you can't help it," she says softly and she's partly right, but that doesn't mean she should have to put up with it... or will for much longer.

She looks so beaten down, so deflated, when will I get to the point where I love her too much to keep subjecting her to this shit? 

Do I love her enough to let her go?

It's selfish, I know, but I don't think I can.

I need her. I want her here with me, I want a family with her and our lives to be together. I want to honour the promises I made when I put that ring on her finger and tattooed her name across my chest. 

This is forever. We are forever.

A/N:
Short one today but next few chapters will make up for it 😉

Have a great weekend everyone!
Love Ruby
x