My Badboy Next Door

P A I N

Ace takes me to the hospital. I ran to the front desk.
" Who is the patient you wish to see?" The nurse asks.
" Um.. My mother, Sarah Briarwood" I say.
Her face changes. Sympathy? Pity?
" Um...I'm sorry honey, she is in surgery right now. You need to understand the car crash was beyond serious and there's a chance she won't even make it" the nurse says quietly.
Tears threaten to fall.
" No" I say quietly. This is a nightmare, isn't it? But it's too real!
" She had been drinking and the road was very slippery, ok" She says.
" Wait over there, the doctor will come in to tell you the news" she finishes.

Hours pass and Ace hasn't left my side. He has gotten up millions of times to get me coffee, blankets, chips, chocolate. He doesn't ask if I'm ok cause he knows I'm really not.
My head is resting on a pillow on his lap, my body stretching out over the two chairs. He is stroking my hair. No one else is in the waiting room. Just us.
I fall asleep.

I am in the car with My mother. She's drinking while driving. I tell her to stop but she just smiles and tells me to shut up, because she knows what she's doing. The car stops in front of us but she misses the brakes, instead she swerves. Now we are flying off the road. The tree coming closer. I scream.

And I wake up.
" Hey, it's just a nightmare. You're ok" Ace sings. He kisses my forehead.
There's a knock at the waiting room door. The doctor pops his head through.
" Um, Are you Jamie? Sarah's daughter?" He asks.
I sit up quickly, not caring that I'm now lightheaded.
" Yes, Yes i am!" I say.
"  I am Doctor Willis. Please come to my office, I, um, have some news" he says. No emotion showing on his face.
We all walk in silence up the hall. Ace squeezes my hand.
We sit down on the chairs in Doctor Willis's office. Ace doesn't let my hand go.
" We tried everything, you need to understand that, but she....um....she.....died halfway through the surgery" he says.
I freeze. This can't be right! He's kidding. It's just like in the movies, she's playing a prank on me, right?
" Really?" I whisper.
" I'm afraid so" he says.
" I'm so sorry for your loss" he says.
And I cry.
" Can I see her?" I ask.
" Yes, you can".

I walk into Mums room. Guilt is swimming through my stomach. Why wasn't I nicer to her? Why couldn't I save? Why couldn't I just look after her more? Maybe Mother proof the house so she couldn't get out. This wasn't her fate. Her destiny. Why do I always lose everyone I love?
Her body is lifeless. A white sheet lays over her now dead body. I stroke her hair.
" I'm so sorry" I say, over and over again.
Her eyes are closed. And then I realise, her wrinkles stand out more, she has some grey hairs. I only ever saw her as her happy self. I didn't pay any attention to her new self. The one that was slowly dying. Slowly breaking. And I didn't help her.
And I cry. Ace hugs me from behind. I turn around and hug him.
" Please don't leave me too" I sob.