Arsal and Jiya's Grandfather's dying wish was for them to have Nikkah. And their parents complied to the wish before he could die. Jiya and Arsal reluctantly but agreed to it.
Now, it's been two years since they last saw each other and had their Nik...
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I had become an early riser after the Nikkah. At first, it was the restlessness that woke me up at early hours and didn't let me sleep. Then I started praying to Allah to give me peace.
I wasn't a praying five times a day kind of person but then the restlessness made me that. I used to pray to Allah to give me who I loved but then with time I realised I was praying for the wrong thing, just a few months ago I started praying to Allah to give me inner peace and happiness.
And then the talk about Naina's wedding started and we all got so busy with the preparations that I had forgotten about my restlessness but then Jiya came back and with her came the restlessness and the heartbreak associated to the said restlessness.
Today was no different, I woke up to offer the Fajr prayers and after that worked a bit on my laptop.
When I felt my throat getting dry and my thirst I made my way downstairs towards the kitchen to get some water but when I was almost at the kitchen I heard voices coming from inside. When I got closer to the door I could clearly see my sister and Kiran sitting on the small table and sipping from the mugs they each had in hand.
When I thought about entering I heard a second voice that I immediately recognised and stopped mid step.
She was saying something so I decided to hear what they were talking about.
"That's not the reason I didn't talk to him."
Who hadn't she talked to? Were they talking about me? These were the first thoughts that came to my mind and I scolded myself at my stupidity, of course it had to be me. Who else was there that was a 'Him' and and she 'Hadn't talked to'.
Then my sister replied to her.
"Either way I think you two should talk. Figure out what you guys want. From each other, from this Nikkah and from the future."
I hated to admit it but she was right, we needed to talk about what we wanted. And she had also seen me as I had not really made myself discreet.
Jiya turned at her statement and saw me. She knew that she wasn't the only one Naina had said that to. With that Naina stood up pulled Kiran with herself and left. And before leaving given me a look that clearly said that 'Talk to her or else!'
After the two left I didn't know what we were supposed to do but she wasn't going to initiate the conversation so I made my way to the chair Naina was sitting on and said to Jiya. "So I guess we should talk."
Jiya seemed to ponder then sat opposite me and said. "What do you want to talk about?" The way she said it made me uncomfortable she sounded like she didn't care what questions I asked her, like she had finally resigned to the cause.
"Why didn't you kepp in contact?" Was my first question since I had wanted to tell her something, something that might have changed both our lives, our paths.
"Would you believe me if I said I didn't know how to talk to you?" What does she mean by that.
"What?" I asked a simple worded question with so much confusion.
"I didn't know how to face you after everything that happened. I didn't know what we were anymore." She looked kind of helpless at the moment. Which made me want to tell her that we were us. And nothing else.
"We were still friends. I mean we had always been friends. So, what changed?"
"I made a promise." What promise was she talking about? Who did she make the promise to? Was it Dada Jan to whom she had promised something or her own parents?
At my questioning look she started to explain about them abruptly leaving Karachi. Her friend Rayan, his death, what he told her and about the promise she made to him.
To be honest I had mixed feelings about it all. So there was someone else in her life. But then I couldn't accuse her because of that.
He had far more significance in her life then I ever did. He had loved her. Truly loved her. I hadn't done that. I could maybe never do that.
But if she had promised him to make it work with me then why had she ignored me all this time?
"Did you love him?" Was the question that left my mouth without my brain even registering it.
And her answer did light something inside me. "Yes. In some ways I did. But it wasn't the love that is with your significant other. It was the love that you have for a true friend."
So she hadn't loved him.
"Then why didn't you fulfil your promise?" I felt like she told me everything but the actual answer.
"Because at first I was grieving. I had lost someone very important to me. Then I was guilty that he had loved me so much and I hadn't even known about it. But the biggest thing was that..." She trailed off, lost in thought.
I let her collect her thoughts. She needed time. And meanwhile I thought about what I had wanted to tell her for 2 years. Seemed like the right time to do it but...
"The biggest thing was that I couldn't let go of him. I remembered everything about him and admired it all. And now with the knowledge that he loved me his actions were more loving, more caring, more meaningful and all of it made me feel so guilty and somewhere along the line I thought that if I actually tried to make it work with you I would be hurting him. Really hurting...." She closed her eyes in an effort to stop the tears that were now steadily flowing from her eyes.
"I don't know.... I don't know anymore." She looked at me like I could give answer her all the answers that she craved.
"I just wish that I had found out about his feelings a little earlier maybe he would be alive, maybe, maybe-"
I cut her off at that. At the moment all she needed was comfort and I offered her that. I took her hands in mine and applied a bit of pressure on my hold that made her look at me.
I just gave her a smile. That was all I could offer her at that moment.
But oh how I wished that I could have done something for her.
How I wish Dada Jan hadn't made our lives this miserable. We both had our own lives and he had made us get married by emotionally blackmailing us. I just wish that our parents had asked us if there was someone else that was in our heart.
I just wish that we hadn't suffered this much.
"I didn't want to hurt you Arsal. I really had no intention to do anything of the kind." Jiya told me with those teary eyes, rough voice and sincerity all in a whisper.
"I know." I replied with a sad smile of mine. At that moment I knew I had no energy left in me to tell her what I wanted to so I just sat there with her.
Maybe now I have to pray for the both of us to have peace.
