A Little Less Lonely Now (boy)²

nine

Simon's P.O.V.

Crying into Caden's shoulder was never something I imagined I would do, much less hear that he doesn't regret kissing me. I don't even know why I was crying into this hug, but it just happened, and once I start it's hard to stop until my tear ducts are dry. I could tell he hadn't expected me to start crying, so in an attempt to comfort me he had pulled me farther into his lap and whispered reassuringly.

"It's okay Simon," he cooed, "Just let it out."

He hadn't asked why I'm crying, and I'm great full since I don't know. It is probably all this stress the past three days have put on me. Caden saved me for the hundredth time, asked me to a party, kissed me at said party, ran away from the party, and then found me crying at a park because I couldn't bear being home, so I ran to this secret park that apparently he knew about too. Caden had starting rubbing my back in small circles. That, mixed with me figuring out why I was crying, helped me stifle down my sobs. I looked up into his light cornflower blue eyes, and a weird feeling of relief poured over me. Which was odd, because I could see that they were full of fear.

"Simon. I... I don't know what to do. I never thought I was gay, or even that I could like guys that way even a tiny bit. But... but when I'm with you I don't care. I guess, I guess I didn't notice until I actually kissed you. Didn't you notice I was talking to you more and more? I wanted to know you more, I had a feeling that made me want to be near you. Do you know how much courage it took to invite you to that party? I felt like a schoolgirl during the weeks before the Sadie Hawkin's dance!"

Aww, he's so cute when he's like this. Wait, does this mean I'm the only one to see this side of him?

"I mean, I have dated girls before and asked them out to plenty of things, but you. You, Simon, had my palms sweating. My knees shook the whole way up your path," by then I had gotten off his lap and sat across from him. He stood up and started walking back and forth on the small 2-foot by 2-foot platform, "I took an anxiety pill before I got out of the car because of you. I just thought it was something I ate, and that was all I had with me in the car. But no, it was you. I never knew a handsome little blonde boy that gets himself caught in lockers would be the one to make my heart run faster than a horse, "now he was throwing his arms in the air to express the end of every sentence, and has climbed down to the ground where he had more room to pace on the wood chips, "What am I going to do? I can't just tell people. What am I going to do? Simon, what are we going to do? Wait a minute, I don't even know what you feel. Do you feel anything? Please, tell me, before I get all worked up and do something I'll regret if you don't."

I sat in shock for a moment, trying to process everything he said. He had talked so faster, three sentence per step.

I did feel something, and do every time I am around him. Butterflies form in my stomach, and I just want to reach out and grab his arm to make sure he is real and I'm not just hallucinating how amazing he is. Countless times I've caught myself staring before he could look over and see me. More than once I've dropped a paper in the middle of our desks so our hands would brush when we both reached to grab it. I just wanted him all to myself, and I didn't know how to tell him. Thoughts formed perfectly in my mind about what to say, but they all refused to reach my chapped lips.

Yes, I feel something. Every time I see you, my belly jumps and my throat closes shut. "Yes," I chocked out, barely audible, "Yes, I feel something. E-every time I see you." I didn't think it was possible, but I got quieter every word, "I feel crazy butterflies w-when you're near and I-I can't talk right. I g-get s-so ner-nervous." I was shaking.

Caden took his face out of his hands, and watched me shake for a moment, "Simon, don't be afraid to tell me anything." He stood at the bottom of the small ladder he had climbed down moments ago.

I crawled over to the edge of the platform to see him better, "C-can I trust you?"

"Of course you c-" he was interrupted by having to catch me before I fell to the ground about five feet below the platform.

"You were r-right," I said breathlessly, "I can trust you."

"SIMON ARE YOU CRAZY WHAT IF I DIDN'T CATCH YOU?? YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN HURT. PLEASE DON'T DO THINGS LIKE THAT!" I sunk into his arms, as far away as I could get while being held by him.

"I-I'm sorry. I just h-had to make sure."

"I'm sorry I yelled. I just was worried. I'm sorry. It's okay. I promise. Just please promise you won't pull any stunts like that again?"

"I promise." For once, my voice didn't falter when I spoke to him.