Brandon. Yes, THAT Brandon.

Holding it Together

        Michael Kern was-- is gay. Mitchell, homophobic Mitchell's brother is gay. No wonder. But I never told Mitch my feelings or anything. I didn't even know my feelings until I was fourteen. Oh, geez. Did I act a certain way in middle school? No, I made sure I kept myself quiet. Somehow, Mitch suspected it.

        No. Mitch just didn't like me anymore. He also didn't like his brother, so why not dislike me for the same reason he hated his brother for? Lucky guess; he was partially right.

        "Earth to Brandon," Chris giggles. "Hey, kiddo. Wanna tell me what happened yesterday?" Chris sits on my lap and traces invisible doodles into my palms. Why do people mention things I never want to talk about? I don't know what happened yesterday. I just got pissed. And that's exactly what I tell Christina. I skip the part about me finally smoking the weed James left for me just before he moved.

        "Brandon, come on. I've never seen you act that way. I was scared. You looked like you would cry at any second. Please tell me."

        "Why, cause you're my almost girlfriend?"

        "Don't make it about that. Come on. Do I have to sing Let It Go?" Chris threatens. She actually did that. Yes, I wouldn't tell her something, a minor thing. She belted out Let it Go in the middle of Taco Bell.

        "No. I guess I was just pissed that you were talking to my parents. My dad. He... I don't know. I was just jealous and dumb because he never talks to me unless he's shoving the Catholic faith down my throat or telling me how irresponsible I am." Chris says nothing, indicating I should say more. "And I tried to talk to him for a long time. I'd talk about football when I loved it, but he didn't care. I thought it was because he didn't play sports in high school, but it wasn't that. I'd talk to him about psychology when I started to like that, but everything I'd say he'd tell me he already knew. I could never please him. Then you came in last night and he just, boom. Instant conversation."

        "He seemed very talkative," she says slowly.

        "Well, not with me!" I snap. I gently push Chris off my lap and lay facedown on her bed. "He doesn't like me at all. I never did anything except--" I cut myself off. Except be curious. Chrisina sits beside me and runs her fingers through my hair.

        "You just have this mindset that he won't talk to you, but how long has it been since you tried? Maybe your dad had something going on. Parents get depressed and low, too. Maybe things are different, Babe."

        "Well after this, I have one more year with him and then I'll go to college and then never bother him again."

        "You're being childish. He loves you." I humph as Chris starts to massage my back and shoulders. Ha, the last time he said 'I love you' was when I still played Dragon Ball Z with Mitchell. 

        I sit up and kiss on Christina's neck. She lays back and I slide my fingers up underneath her blue tank top to feel her smooth skin. Before I know it, my shirt is off.

* * *

    I wake up with a start. Christina keeps still beside me.

        Tyler kept trying things I didn't like. Conner's words ring through my head. It could be anything, though. Like, if Conner doesn't like sex with the lights on. Or if he doesn't like it with socks on. It doesn't have to be anything bad. 

        The way he said it though. The way he looked at himself when he said it, like it disturbed him, or scared him. The way he literally had to shake himself away from the thought.