Nothing Wrong With Loving

Chapter 10: The Talk

"Nina?" I heard my mother's voice coming from behind my door. It was weird, my mum knocking. Normally she'd just burst in. I don't need to knock doors in my house she always said. "Nina you're going to be late for work."

"I'm not going," I mumbled burying my head in my pillow.

"What? Nina, I can't— Nina?" I could tell she was slowly losing her patience, but at least she was trying.

And the thing is, since the night we had the dinner discussion, my mum has been acting differently. Not better or worse, just... different.

"Not going!" I mumbled louder.

"What?" She groaned and burst inside my room, "Nina you know I hate mumbling, what are you saying?"

I raised my head from my pillow a little bit and I repeated, "I'm not going."

"But you have to work?" My mum frowned. I wish I had the strength to roll my eyes but I was exhausted... I just dropped my face on my pillow and ignored her. "Are— are you not feeling well?"

I could tell by the way her voice sounded that she didn't know how to approach me. In any other occasion, I would've felt bad but at that moment, I honestly couldn't care less.

I shook my head, not wanting to answer. Either way, I don't think the lump in my throat would've allowed me to speak.

"Well— okay," She said, I turned my face to the right and opened my eye just enough to see her by the edge of my bed, awkwardly standing not knowing what to do with herself. It was funny to see, the woman who always had something to say was tongue-tied. "Stay Home." She carried on, as if I had any intention of getting up this bed. "I'll call Frankie and tell him you're not feeling well."

And with that she walked out of my room, closing the door softly like she didn't want to make a single sound. I turned around in bed and laid on my back, staring at the ceiling. I took my phone from my drawer and turned it back on, I had two messages from Kai, a bunch of Tumblr notifications, some from snapchat and Instagram but no replies from Ceci. Swallowing the ball in my throat, I threw my phone back in my drawer and slammed it shut.

Once again, I found myself harshly drying tears from my face.

⚢

"Nina?" My mum knocked on my door twice, firm and loud. I ignored it and turned around in bed, closing my laptop and hiding it under my pillow. "Nina, dinners ready."

I stayed in silence, maybe if I pretended to be asleep, she would leave. My mum knocked a couple of times more and I thought she was going to burst in and make me come downstairs but instead I heard her walking away.

And that's how a whole week went by. I'd only get out of bed to go to the bathroom and when I made sure nobody was home, I'd go downstairs and grab something to eat. I spent hours online, looking for universities and courses I could apply to, places that didn't require much. It wasn't that I failed everything but I didn't do well during my A2 exams. Not well enough to get accepted where I wanted but not bad enough that I wouldn't get accepted anywhere. Teachers always said that the better my personal statement was, the greater the chances I had of getting accepted. The problem with that was... all I had written was Personal Statement and my name.

It was one of them times when I regretted not accepting my teacher's help or when I told Cecily and Kai I had it all under control. I had nothing under control. My life was a huge fucking mess, it had been a huge fucking mess for the past three years.

Kai called and dropped by, he knew I was home and went as far as to sneak inside my house. I told him to leave me alone, I just wanted to be left alone.