Guarded

18

Harry’s POV

The crowd cheered and screamed as we finished our last song of the evening, “Best Song Ever.” They demanded more, clapping and stomping their feet and we took turns walking around the stage, touching hands with girls in the audience. After a few rounds each, we bowed once more and headed backstage.

“Never gets old, man!” Louis said, clapping me on the back.

“How you feeling, mate?” Zayn asked.

I forced a smile. “Much better. The adrenaline rush is the cure for it everytime.”

“Oh, don’t tell me Harry had a little bit of stage fright without Annaleise here,” Niall teased.

My heart stopped at the mention of Annaleise. And I immediately thought of Cost. I had been free of thoughts of the both of them for over two hours. The only two hours I hadn’t devoted to torturing myself in the last 30-some hours. My stomach instantly felt queasy again and I waved them off.

“Don’t listen to them, Harry,” Liam said, taking me aside. “I think it’s amazing what’s happened between you and Annaleise and if anyone deserves to be happy, it should be you, considering everything you’ve gone through.”

I nodded and brushed him off too. “I am tired though. I think I have a little bit of jetlag. I’m going to head back to the hotel room early.”

I said my goodbyes and headed out to the car awaiting to take me back. Only once I was in the safety of my hotel room, did I pull out my phone. I had been glued to the small screen reading for any update on Cost. I had found out earlier that the funeral would be sometime on Friday and I figured Annaleise would be busy with preparations this week. I had been able to avoid her phone calls so far but eventually she would get worried and wonder why I hadn’t called her. I checked my call log and sure enough, I had three missed calls from her.

They had all come in increments of 45 minutes: 8:00, 8:45 and 9:30. As much as I wanted to hear her voice and have me be reassured that everything would be okay, I couldn’t bear the pain of having to tell her what I had done. If I could just hold tight until I got through the rest of the tour and was with her again in person, I would be able to face telling her the truth and beg for her forgiveness.

I already had a sinking feeling in my stomach that she would hate me forever. I had already begun to hate myself, my disgust had turned to loathing and I either spent my time on my phone watching for updates on either Cost or Annaleise or drinking alcohol to numb the pain.

I went over to the mini-fridge and was thankful the contents had been restocked. I helped myself to a few small bottles of whiskey disregarding the Coca-cola and just drinking them straight. Eventually, I began to feel the buzz of the alcohol and made my way over to grab a few small bottles of rum. I finished off the rum, throwing the small bottle on the floor. I was sure I heard my phone ringing, but I didn’t care. The alcohol made me feel numb and it made sleep come easy. It made everything easier.

Annaleise’s POV

“Fucking asshole!” Someone shouted. I must have dozed off. I opened my eyes and looked around, realizing I was still in the motel room and I hadn’t been dreaming. Who was shouting then? The voice sounded familiar and someone came into view.