And My Heart Goes

"Monday"

            For the first time in a long time, I got a full night of sleep and woke up that morning feeling unexpectedly refreshed. I slid on a pair of shorts and took a walk on the beach near my neighborhood as the sun began to rise. It had been so long since I last watched the sun come up in the morning that I'd truly forgotten how beautiful it was. I'd forgotten how beautiful it made my skin look. The light of the sun, the sound of the waves coming in, the taste and smell of the crisp air, and the feeling of sand between my toes; it all made me feel some type of way that morning. I knew at that moment that the time had come for me to make a change. That beautiful and relaxing morning marked the beginning of a new journey.

            I'd been celibate ever since I decided not to give in to my ex's advances anymore. For a full year, I abstained from all sexual activity with another person. I masturbated whenever the urge was too strong, but those moments were few and far in-between. I thought about returning to my modeling roots for a time but ultimately decided not to because I didn't like the person I was back then. I didn't like my attitude back then. I didn't like my choices back then. I just didn't feel like myself, Elijah Savion Abrams, back then. So, I put my bachelor's degree in marketing to use and got a job with a fun and flexible advertising company. It was possibly the best decision I'd ever made.

            "Good morning, Elijah," my neighbor Antonio Santiago called out to me as I headed back towards my house.

            "Antonio," I said as I stepped over to our mailboxes, where he was standing. "Good morning."

            He looked down at my feet and then back into my eyes before saying, "I see you went for a walk on the beach."

            "Yeah. It's a beautiful morning, isn't it?"

            His eyes shifted down to my shorts for a quick second as he replied, "Yes, it most surely is."

            I knew Antonio was into both men and women; however, he'd never shown an interest in me before. I always assumed since he'd only brought lighter skinned men and women to his house that I wasn't his type. Therefore, I was a little taken aback by him looking at the print my dick made in my shorts that morning. When he smiled at me, I smiled back and said, "Well, I guess I'll see you around."

            "Wait a minute. I was thinking maybe me and you can finally sit down and chat sometime this week. I've been living here for six months and I've never taken the time to get to know you better, neighbor. How about I cook dinner for us? I know you'd love my thick enchilada."

            "That sounds great, but no thanks. I have a feeling this is going to be a productive and busy week for me."

            "When do you think you'll have the time?"

            "I honestly don't think I ever will."

            "Hmm, is that your way of saying not interested?"

            "Mmm...yeah. Take it easy, Antonio." I laughed to myself a little as I walked away and headed back into my house.

            I absolutely loved living in Los Angeles because of how straightforward most people were, but it did sometimes get to me. In L.A., when you look a certain way and act a certain way, people like to put their own projections onto you and it gets frustrating. According to some, I had the look. Whatever that meant, I always tried to stay above the objectification people often tried to reduce me to. I was more than just a lean, tall and brown-skinned tattooed twenty-eight-year-old man. While I'd never been shy or afraid of being myself, I'd also never been an arrogant person. Like many of my other personality traits, I was in between, confident in myself but in total control of my ego.