And My Heart Goes

"Patience"

            "Don't laugh," Kwame said to me as we sat in his car parked in front of my house. "I know this is gonna sound lame as fuck but...I'm nervous about gettin' tested today and I didn't wanna do it alone this time."

            "Kwame, you shouldn't feel ashamed for being nervous about getting tested," I told him. "Why are you feeling nervous though?"

            "Because I did fuck a couple of dudes raw since I last got tested earlier this year and they told me they were clean but you never know."

            "Well, I will go with you and get tested, too."

            He smiled and let out a sigh of relief as he said, "I was scared you were gonna hop out the car and go back into your house."

            "Nah, I wouldn't do you like that. How about after we get tested we come back here and have dinner?"

            "Only if you let me cook."

            "Oh, really?" I laughed as I said, "Let me find out that Kwame Jaxon can throw down in the kitchen."

            "I can throw down. You'll see." He started the car up and asked, "You ready?"

            "I sure am."

            Although I'd planned to get tested the following week with Zade, I had no problem getting tested first with Kwame because he was anxious about getting tested and needed me there for comfort. It was beginning to feel like I was forming a deeper bond with Kwame and Zade than I was with Micah. I enjoyed being around Micah but I wasn't looking forward to being around him since our weekend in Atlanta. I kept thinking I'd feel different as more time went on but I wasn't sure.

            "What do the rapid results say?" I asked Kwame the moment he stepped out of the results office.

            He smiled and showed me the results while saying, "I'm all good."

            "Aw, see, I knew you were worried for nothing. I'm sure your extended period results will be the same." I was about to give him a hug but quickly remembered we were in public. He noticed and grabbed my hand and held onto it while looking into my eyes.

            "Elijah," Bakari's voice called out.

            Kwame quickly let go of my hand and backed away a little. I looked at Bakari and asked, "What are you doing here today? You texted me that you wouldn't be in today."

            He folded his arms and smiled while explaining, "They needed another counselor because my coworker Raphael had to go tend to his bedridden grandmother." He turned his attention to Kwame and asked, "And who is this fine specimen?"

            "This is Kwame Jaxon," I told him. "Kwame, this is one of my closest friends, Bakari Andrews."

            "Wassup," Kwame said while stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Uh, I'm goin' back out to the car, Eli." He gave me a look and then quickly headed out of the clinic.

            "I see he's not too DL to come to a specialized clinic for the LGBT community."

            "Bakari, I brought him here because this place is discreet and I thought you weren't going to be here."

            "Damn, is it a problem?"

            "He's not out and the last thing I need him to think is I've told my friends all about him."

            "But you have."

            "Yeah, but I don't want him knowing it. And...well, he just grabbed my hand in here and he never does that."