Nothing Less than Extraordinary

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When I entered the master bedroom that we had stayed in before Special Sunday (as I heard some talk show use to remember us taking over the rogue agents and Jase—even though I was surprised they weren't shut down by the Agency or the federal government), any thought about Zaine not being Zaine was softened when I saw that he held a tablet in his hand and seemed to have grabbed it as if picking it up and then heading somewhere. That damn tablet.

As if I didn't need to be reminded of all the times Zaine bored himself into using the tablet when there were more important things going on, I still entered the room and shut the door, ready to lash out on him. I wondered if the look he gave me knew what was about to happen, but part of me didn't want him to. He only straightened up and clenched his jaw.

"'I rather her think of me dead'?" I quoted from him with narrowed eyes and crossed arms. "I only thought you were dead because I saw Jase kill you and even in the hospital when apparently they were trying to save you, I visited you once and you ended up bleeding out all over again!" I scolded. "So don't try to pin me leaving with Chess and Tyler on thinking either one of them was replacing you because it isn't true. I thought you died, I wanted to avenge you, and Tyler wanted to redeem himself, that's it. So whatever bullshit you think happened probably didn't because that entire trip was me trying to figure out how to get over you without moving on," I finally admitted. "And I'm not stupid either, Zaine. I didn't believe that shit you tried to tell me in the elevator—I don't think I ever will even if you did hate me. And you're an idiot if you sacrifice your life for mine and then think a few days later that just because I wasn't there when you woke up that someone else was anywhere close to—"

I had seen Zaine take steps towards me while I yelled and felt liquid run down my face, but I didn't anticipate the three steps he'd nearly run to me in order to grab my face and crash his lips onto mine. I didn't truly think he had it in him. I'd seen Zaine in a heated argument or just plain mad, but I didn't think he'd have any romantic passion to kiss anyone mid-sentence after cluing in that me yelling at him was my way of telling him I loved him. So of course I kissed him back.

I grabbed two handfuls of the shirt he wore and he still cupped my face and pressed himself into me. I was glad I was between him and the door because my knees would've gone weak if I had nothing to hold me up. When I kissed him in the elevator, it was out of impulse and I didn't know how Zaine would react (even though he didn't exactly break the embrace.) But now, Zaine kissed me as zealous as he could have for someone who had never seemed to have an emotional connection with anyone. It made me wonder if there was a reason why I couldn't remember kissing him the first time, his soft lips, his gentle tongue, the electricity he left behind it...all because maybe if I didn't remember something, it was because I'd need to relive it again and again just for it to stay in my head. Because the smile on my face when we broke the kiss to share a breath of laughs, proved that the kiss would be more of a desire for both of us.

"You're right. I'm an idiot," he sighed and I felt his breath on me through his nose, his mouth, and his heaving chest against mine. "In the elevator, I told you that this was fake and I lied. I thought...I thought that maybe you'd hate me and not worry about me if anything happened, but then as soon as those doors shut, I realized I was more wrong than anything. I tried to deny everything so you wouldn't be the only thing I was worrying about, but it made me worry about you all the more and God, I just...I didn't want to think about the fact if something happened to you and it was my fault. And then...the whole Jase thing happened, and I didn't even care. My last thought was you and I didn't care if I died if it was to save you," he confessed, searching my eyes with his. "I thought I deserved to die."

"Zaine you know that I would've healed no matter what he did."

"That didn't matter to me in the moment," he said, finally creating space between us while looking away from me. The half of a foot between us felt like more that was slowly decreased when he reached out a hand to mine and played with my fingers. "All I knew was that I tried protecting Emma before they shot her and I failed at it...and then when the same thing happens with you...I just..." Then he let go of my hand and his eyes flashed up. "I'm no good for you."