The Renaissance Of A Romance [chaennie x jenlisa]

xi. retrouvailles

my deepest apologies. gonna get this shit done. lez go.

xi. retrouvailles

[ vivaldi - four seasons : spring ]

LISA.

An empty feeling woke me up from my slumber. I fidgeted as I flexed my hand. The hand that I held Jen with, was now cold. The absence of her skin's warmth and softness made my hand rough and dry, with no life. With no meaning. I opened my eyes and scanned around the room, "Jen? Where are you?" I uttered hoping she would hear me from somewhere. Yet there was no response, it was just dark and silent.

I wanted to convince myself to not look for her, because for all I know, she didn't even care to tell me that she'll go out. It was okay for her to leave me alone. Yet I know I fucking care too much, so I grabbed my coat by the nearby window, but when I was about to turn around, I caught something at the corner of my eye.

It was Jen. She was walking back home with Roseanne. Wait, what? Confusion traveled my mind. I furrowed my eyes as if it helped me to see them clearly. They were on their gear, with free hands gliding through each other's sides. If only a magnet can enclose them then they would be holding hands right now, and seeing the look on their faces, they wouldn't mind doing that at all. I saw a smile on Jen's face, an intricate feeling reflected from it. There was joy in her eyes, something I tried many times to make yet all I get is a compromised one. Maybe, because she doesn't know who she was when she's with me before, who was I to her before, and what we were before.

A nail pierced my heart through and through, I didn't want to feel this kind of childishness. You know.

The one they call, jealousy. My mind says it's absurd but my heart say it's my right to feel.

Here I am, with burning skin, feeling all the mediocrity of not being enough for Jen.

As I hear her cautious footsteps moving closer, I breathed in deep, sucking it all in my system. Pretending that I haven't seen her with Roseanne, trying so hard to deny the obvious.

"Lisa? You're awake?" A shocked expression was Jen's first greeting. The awkward atmosphere suspended into the air. "Yeah, I woke up out of nowhere and noticed you were gone." I explained with consciousness, "Where have you been?" I added a question.

"Oh." She took a pause, presumably thinking of a reason out. "I couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to go on a quick ride down the meadows." she said. Unexpectedly, she's telling the truth.

"What did you find?" I asked, "A breath of fresh air." she answered with eyes full of certainty as if it was going to smile. "Well, you should rest again Jen. You haven't fully recovered yet." I said in reminder of her situation. "I'll be sleeping next door." I added. I figured out that it was best to let her keep the space she has with me right now, because I know everything is a bit overwhelming. I want her to breathe even if it means being distant towards her.

"Talk to you in the morning." My lips drew a smile to assure Jen that it was okay. That I was okay,even if not. I advanced my way to the door but as I turned the knob with my right hand, a warm caress held my left "Wait." Jen spoke fidgetly. Her voice softly poked my heart. I turned and meet her shining orbs. "Can you just stay? Because everything will be different in the morning." her words took all of my inhibitions, and maybe there was hope after all.

"What do you mean it'll be different?" My crunched forehead resurfaced. "We pretend to be friends whenever the sun is out." Jen said, "But tonight, I can have you as my girlfriend. And that's a huge fucking difference." As she said those words her hand gripped mine tighter, I looked at her and it was all of me that I saw. Shit. Why do I love you so much? I mentally torture myself with this question everytime Jen seeks through my eyes. "So stay." As Jen ended her sentence my madness subsided too. Tranquility grimaced again. This is all of her eyes' fault. Those eyes damn me every fucking time yet it also does me better. It reminds me of how I can do greater things, of how I can be stronger, and how I can love her without condition. Over and over again.