The Renaissance Of A Romance [chaennie x jenlisa]

xvii. death of a heart

a/n: i suggest you to re-read the last chapter so that this update would sink in. love you to death.

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xvii. death of a heart

[ ludvico einaudi - nefeli  ]

LISA.

I love you, Lisa that phrase was repeating inside my head wondering which part of it was a lie. And how I just realized now that everything she said to pull my heart into her were never as equal as to the love she'll sacrifice to Roseanne. Unfortunately I was right, it didn't took long.

It didn't took long enough for me to make my worst nightmare come into reality. One was seeing Jen over Roseanne. Confessing all the love she has to the maiden. Baring each other's lips, fondling, caressing. Skin to skin. Right in front of me. Right inside the studio that I gave her as a gift. Both sharing a kiss under the dimmed lights of the room.

I wanted to destroy the walls. Expose them and their doing. Exploit them for playing with my feelings. You just had to fuck me over again Jen! My eyes burned. My veins were in flames. I can feel my skin peeling out of heat. I was in strenuous anger. One in which you want the devil himself to avenge you.

My jealousy was in the grave. Cutting my throat, slashing my bones, crumbling my heart into ashes. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to blow myself up. I was barely breathing as tears started to melt through my face.

I took a step back as the nervous pounding of my heart weakened my knees, but they heard me, their eyes immediately saw my shadow. Of course they were frightened, scared, worried. Although words were not spoken at that moment, we knew the chaos inside our minds too well. It was at war. Hostility and anger mixed the fumes in the atmosphere. "Oh, Lisa I-" Roseanne stuttered in a frail voice as they both stopped.

I shook my head out of disbelief as my eyes nailed onto Jen's, "You should've said so, Jen." A tear rolled down my face as both of my jaw and fist clenched. She didn't speak, but I saw her eyes, she was about to cry herself. "Sorry to fucking disturb you." I was enraged as I walk out of the studio. Each step was heavier than the next, I felt mangled. I managed to start my car and dash out but not seconds later, Jen's Volkswagen was chasing me from behind. I still kept crying as I sip everything inside of my titanic brandy flask. 

I only look at you.

I love you, Lisa. I do.

The dawning of our memories flashing through my head made my heart more scarred. Was it all a facade? Was it all words? To trick me? To break me more after? 

The alcohol just numbed my senses more. I was blind, blurred, distorted from reality. I'm drunk and I'm broken just the right way to slowly kill myself. "LISA! STOP! TALK TO ME!" I can hear her desperate scream as she tries to chase me from the sides. I turned my eyes towards her and just blankly stared at Jen. I was senseless.

And in split seconds, I felt my system having no control of the wheels. I just feel dazed. Then few seconds after, I felt like crashing. The car stopped with a big bump and I felt nauseous and dizzy. I just realized that I crashed at a nearby post lamp, I didn't care if I had a wound, my heart was bleeding too much. "Fucking great!" I cursed as I sip another shot on the brandy flask and got out of the car. As I stepped outside I saw Jen's car right in front of me, I quickly turned my back and walked the opposite direction. Just because I didn't want to see her face. I didn't want the pain to grow further. I just wanna get out. Run away.