Love and War (Destiel AU)

5. Worry and Excuses

Sorry I haven't updated in a while,I've been at an AWESOME music festival where I met some new friends, including someone who looks EXACTLY like Rory Williams and someone who looks EXACTLY like Natasha Romanoff, (that's why I even talked to them in the first place.) but now I'm back! I hope you guys are enjoying the fic and want to thank you guys so much for the 1,000+ views!

Dean's POV.
That night my sleep was pierced by his eyes. Why couldn't I have just fired the bullet? All it took was the tug of the trigger, and those blue eyes would begin to dull. But I couldn't. I had killed plenty of people, people who had been much more innocent than Castiel.
But I hadn't been the only one to hesitate. No, I had fucked up and made it so Cas could blow my face off. But he had paused. Why?
And a more pressing issue: why were my dreams wrought with Castiel's lips against mine? And why weren't these dreams nightmares?
Two things I was certain of: Bert and Ernie were gay, and I was straight.
It was just the fact of life. Sam was the gay one. He was dating a dude named Gabriel. People seemed to find it strange that I wasn't homophobic. That was kinda insulting to me. I was a mass murdering psychopath. Not an asshole.
But that man's jawline seemed to disagree with my sexuality.
I quietly slipped out of the room and I poured myself some whiskey, (it's five o'clock in the morning, how different is it from the afternoon really?) and returned to Ash's room. I had slept there, seeing as Ash hadn't been there. I had left Cas at some abandoned gas station with his hands tied behind his back before returning to the roadhouse.
I returned to the bed and slept for a few more hours, much more than usual. Finally a knock on the door brought me out of my sleep.
"Oh hey Ellen." I murmured, still waking up.
"Morning sunshine. Rise and shine. Jo and Ash'll be here soon and I imagine they'll want to hear the whole story. So, I'd put a shirt on." She said, smirking slightly.
Since I hadn't packed clothes I just put my dirty shirt on, still brownish red in some places from where the Cas' blood had dripped on it. Dammit, those stains would never come out!
Sure enough, in half an hour Jo and Ash pulled up outside the roadhouse and came over.
I hugged Jo and fist bumped Ash as they took a seat.
"So what's the deal?" Ash asked, crossing his legs on the table. "And why didn't you kill that assclown?"
Because I think I'm gay and I think I love him. Oh, if only it was that easy to say. Time to bullshit some answers. "I think he has people working with him, and if I killed him they would go seeking revenge." I said quickly.
"My question is why he didn't kill you. He had a clear shot." Ellen said, pursing her lips.
"That I don't know." Dean said truthfully. "Maybe the same reason?"
After a few more easy questions ("are you hurt," "did you get in a few solid punches," "were his eyes dreamy?") the group relaxed and went back to their normal activities.
Ash pulled Dean aside. "Dean, I'm not an idiot."
"Fast from it." Dean joked to the genius.
"I know you didn't let Castiel go out of the goodness of your heart. No one here would care if you're gay," he continued on despite Dean's protests. "We just don't want you to get hurt. And being in love with the man who wants you dead more than anyone else in the world would pretty much guarantee that you would get killed. Just... Stay safe."
Ash let Dean go and they returned to what they were doing before, although not without more awkwardness between the two friends.
Dean was about to head out the door once the sun began to set, but Ellen wouldn't have it.
"Nonsense! Boy, there's room in the back for you. Stay another night. Cas'll be angry and ready for revenge. Stay here. Just one more night."
"What are you, my mother?" Dean grumbled but he spent the night regardless. However, there was no need, as Cas was feeling neither angry nor ready for revenge.