Love and War (Destiel AU)

9. Dont Cry Anymore

Cas' POV
"I think I love you." I whispered. I had to say it. I didn't know how long I would be asleep next time, or if I would even wake up. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing.
"Cas." I heard Dean whisper. Oh shit. Oh shit. I had done it now. I was going to spend (possibly) my last few moments alive getting rejected. God damn it.
I felt something soft and warm cradle my cheek, and I opened my eyes to see Dean planting a kiss on my forehead.
He wiped away the tears that I didn't realize we're spilling out of my eyes and whispered, "Don't cry anymore, ok?"
I felt myself getting pulled back to sleep, to darkness. I tried to keep my eyes open, to look into the clear green eyes a little longer, but darkness overcame me.
Ok.

Dean's POV
I was shaking all over. I was smiling a little too. I took Cas' hand and brought it to my lips before exiting the room, leaving the bloodied and battered black haired man alone.
Sam and Gabe stood waiting for me, faces pale and eyes wide with hope.
"He's ok." I said shakily, and my brother and his boyfriend broke into smiles. "Why do you guys even care though?" I asked wonderingly.
"You would have gone into a depressed death spiral if he died Dean." Sam replied.
"And my lovely boyfriend would have gone into an even more depressed death spiral if YOU had died." Gabriel piped up.
Good to know how much they cared about Cas. But it was true. Scarily true.
But right now, I was on top of the world. True, I was having realizations about my sexuality, and I was one of the most wanted criminals in America, and the man who I had just professed my love to was terribly wounded and possibly dying, but I mean, why shouldn't I be happy?
I exited the roadhouse as though it were a dream, and I walked to my baby, my head pounding and my vision fuzzy. I had so many feelings it was hard to sort through them all. On one hand I was angry and heterosexual. On another I was gay, in every sense of the word.
I needed a drink.
I pulled out of the learning lot and drove out to the country side, past the stores and the banks and the annoying buzz of urban life. As the backdrop of skyscrapers and houses turning into trees I felt my mind beginning to clear.
I may be angry, but I am certainly not heterosexual. And I may be gay, but I'm definitely not happy. I'm a raging homosexual serial killer. How the fuck did this happen.
I parked the impala in an empty field and got out, lying down on the grass. I watched the clouds for a long while, and the sky began to darken. I breathed in the clean smell of dusk.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
The stars began to burst up, and I thought about Cas. Cas with his star eyes. Bursting through, lighting up his face.
He was beautiful. I hadn't seen him truly smile yet. I'd seen his cocky grin that he wore to impress. But all that was was a mask. A disguise, no different from the makeup Bobby painted on me. But I didn't care about that. I cared about the wrinkles around his eyes that betrayed his cold glare. The wrinkles that showed the smiles, the real smiles, the smiles that only came when you really felt it, the kind when you were either doubled over laughing or your eyes where twinkling or you were nearly crying from pride.

In.
Out.