Camping Trip

Chapter Twenty One

Aiden's knee jerk reaction was the same as when Lucas had asked to be just friends. He had to force his jaw shut to stop an immediate agreement with Lucas, just to get this over with. Lucas was lying next to him. He wasn't saying it in an accusatory manner.

"And just in case you're worried, it's not because we had a spat just now. I don't mind that at all." Lucas continued speaking, his breath whispering against the back of Aiden's neck in a hushed tone. "You were upset. Really, really upset. And you felt really bad just because we kissed?"

Aiden bit his lip. "I was drunk Lucas, and not exactly thinking straight."

"Drunk or not I made you feel terrible."

"Lucas." Aiden sighed. The guilt in Lucas's voice was making him feel guilty. "It wasn't because of anything you did."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"I'm really not." He rolled over in Lucas's arms, and fixed his gaze on him. It was dim, but he could make out a frown sinking Lucas's lips, and the creases in his brow. "I get the being friends thing. Despite what I said a little while ago, I do understand."

"You were acting as if I'd called it quits."

"I was drunk, tired and feeling a little rejected, so there were some very negative thoughts knocking around." His lungs felt tighter as he shared his real thoughts with Lucas, "Sober me knows I was being ridiculous."

Lucas was quiet long enough to make him start to shake with nerves. "Why did you feel rejected at all?"

"You were all tense. It wasn't fair to kiss you in front of so many people, and I'm not upset now, so it's fine. Don't feel bad, seriously. I was just having a moment."

"Don't call it that. It wasn't a 'moment'. We kissed, and then you threw up."

"Don't say it like that" Aiden huffed, "I was throwing up no matter what happened. It wasn't because of that. Stop blaming yourself."

Lucas was quiet. His silence didn't exactly scream 'I'm not blaming myself'. "Why isn't it working here? Everything was going fine at the camping site."

"There were less people. We didn't have to worry about anyone except us. The only people there were okay with it."

Even the dark, Aiden could see Lucas unhappy with his answer. "Other people worry you that much? You know it's not – uh, well it's not looked down on nowadays. Well, I mean, I'm sure some people don't like it, and it's not something you see every day, but it's okay."

Aiden pressed his lips tightly together. This subject was what had been making him second guess his attraction to Lucas more than anything else. It was enough to make that excitement in his stomach turn to fear. "I don't know."

"You don't know what?" Lucas asked softly.

"You've known you liked guys for a while. I haven't. I haven't had time to get my head around it. And I know that it's okay. But knowing something and feeling it are kind of different things."

"I guess that kind of thing already bothered you. Where we live doesn't help either. Everyone knowing everything about each other."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry for flipping out at you."

"I don't remember anything after throwing up, so it's fine."

"I mean at your house. It was more than just you doubting me. It wasn't fair to get mad at you for being anxious." Lucas took in a heavy breath, "I'm worried too, you know? But more about scaring you off or holding myself back from doing things very inappropriate in public."