𝘼𝘿𝙄𝙕𝙕𝙇𝙀🥂

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Ayesha POV

"You can't force me to express how I feel Adam .. it's not that easy ." I calmly told Him tears staining my face . I was leaning against our bedroom wall my head thrown back as I took in short and deep breaths. My mind was frazzled ... pictures of my indescribable mind plaster across my thoughts . I was caught .. clouded deep in my thoughts . That demanding voice telling me I should keep
Quiet . Block it all out . And me being the gullible human being I am did so.

That's why we're hear now . Screaming at the tops of our lungs .. arguing .. destroying each other . We can't talk it out .. I'm not ready . But he swears he must know everything that lies beneath my every emotion .

I feel his warm body heat confront  my cold one as he approaches me . I keep my gaze fixated on the nude ceiling as my breathing hitches a bit .
"Then how am I suppose to help you Ayesha ! Huh! Stop shutting me out ! You know I hate that shit!" He yelled . The sound didn't even pierce my ears .. nor did I flinch . I was so used to it now .

Rage is his best bet .. mine too . But I've learned to consume it over the years . We're both hot heads and tend to anger ourselves over the slightest things . There's no such thing as "talking it out " when we argue . We fuss and fight .. nothing physically but mentally ..yes .
Nothing is ever solved

"I  don't want to talk about it Adam . Why can you not just respect that ?" I say keeping my voice at a calm level . I can't scream anymore . It  does me no good . My voice becomes weaker and he still doesn't listen . Every important thing I say he basically tunes out .. thinking he's solving it his way .

I look into his eyes as his pupils tighten and become a shade darker . He runs his hands through his curls his nose flares in the process.  His fist makes contact with the wall behind me . Just above my right ear . I don't move.. I show no emotion . Adams anger is scary yes but .. not in my case anymore . I know he would never hit me . He just goes around breaking shit in the house knowing he'll have to replace it . He looks at me shaking his head as he turns away .

He paced back and fourth as his jawn clenches . His beard shifting . His eyebrows scrunch in frustration as he breathes intensely.

I sit there sadden and disappointed at his actions . He's always the one to act out , lash out , and in the end I'm always the one to apologize.  I know exactly what I am .. a fucking  fool for giving him the pleasure of my condolences.. my comfort . When I've did no wrong . But I'm a fool for him .. that how it goes . Our loves is exotic.. different from any other love story . We know each other better than we know ourselves. And to be honest ... it scares me .

I want us to be free from these bad vibes.. horrible feelings .. and betrayal. I want us to love and talk about a situation instead of letting it fuel into a fire .

But we can't ... and we sure as hell aren't trying .

"I can't do this ... I'm done ." He says harshly .
 
My face stays unreadable but my heart crushes. He has done it ... is he happy ? I'm demolished .. defeated ... I don't want to show it .. but damn does it hurt.

I slide down the wall my body hitting the carpet floor. I let out a shaky breath as tears silently steam down my face . I let them fall freely .. no point  of wiping them anyway .

So that's it .. he just gives up . So many years of memories ,love ,and trust..just to be put down the drain.
I could even fight for him ... I'm too tired . My body grew weaker as I let everything that I may have had left inside me out . My thoughts were not clouded .. they were blank. I was afraid to speak .. having a feeling my words would slur . I can't feel .. I don't want to . I'm broken and .. I guess thats ok.. I finally know what I feels like to give up and well , it sucks.

I blinked and there goes a flashback. Happy , free , In love  ..now I'm without . He doesn't have to come back . I don't think it's good for us anymore .

I hate to say it but I give up on us .. period .

Love doesn't reside here anymore.

I pull my knees up to my chest rocking my self slowly . I feel as If the color is my skin is becoming paler . My eyes are drooping . My heart will stop beating, and I'll be better off with no type of feeling .
I don't wanna feel I don't .. it's not with him. So

I won't .

Please someone make this stop...
tell me it's a dream . Tell me I'm laying  peacefully in  those soft  arms , content in my love interest. Wake me up and tell me everything is ok .. NOW!
But it's not ...

I close my eyes as I just breath . I can't hear anything and i don't want to . I just want to be isolated. I hear the slight sound of a zipping suit case and footsteps.

I don't  opens my eyes . I don't want to see the love of my life walk out on me .... giving up like the others did . I'm alone again and .. maybe it's best this way .

The front door slams and I jump
Slightly . I let out a breath that I was holding in as I burst into tears . My shrieking sobs echo through the room as my legs give out . I lay on the floor in a ball ... my eyes still closed .

He's gone .. for good . He's done .. forever .

Why ! Why does this shit always find its way back to me and destroy my happiness ? It never fails

I applaud you demon ... you've masters your job my life is nothing . I'm hurt and you won again ... and I let you .

Sound becomes unreadable but I'm still crying . I feel a vibration of footsteps and my eyes peak in fear . I see his silhouette  in my blurry vision .
It's just another flash back right ?

Right ?

Two muscular hands grip me as I am embraced into a broad chest . A chiseled face plastered to mine as tears wet my soaked cheek . I hear a faint plead as hearing comes back .

"I'm so sorry ! I'm so sorry !"

It's him .. it's not a dream .. he came back .. I'm not alone . I'm too weak ...I can't hold him so I just cry . He had I change of heart . He knows I don't exist with out him and he doesn't without me . We mold each other into the people we are .

So deep in love .. we do anything to find our way back to each other .

"I'm right here .. I promise .
I'll wait .. forever . Tell me how you feel .. how you hurt when your ready.. not when I am . Let me help you feel out these intense emotions.I'm here and I won't leave you . I want you to feel safe . I want you to feel loved .I-I  want to be you source of comfort . I hate hurting you! It fucking  hurts Ayesha ... I-I'm sorry . I love you . I'm in love with you , I can't just walk away ..i made a promise  to make you happy! Show you what real love is .. all the happiness and heartbreak . I don't wanna hurt you again. I want you to be ok .. I want us to be ok . I want to hold you for eternity..with nothing but pure passion . I want to heal all these wounds I've created . I want to earn your trust again . Please find yourself and help me find myself so we learn to love again . Please .. don't give up on love ..I steal believe . I'm here to stay no matter how Hard it gets . I'm fighting for you .. for us . I love you ." He sobbed .

I just cried ... this will be a commitment, but I'm willing to for fill it ... I want this . I want my Adam back . Our love is complicated .. but the hope we have in each other never fades ... this is everlasting .

hope you liked it 💗 (my poetic writing is my best writing 💯)