erase me - kryoz [slow updates]

one

october 2016 — acacia

i rolled out of bed, grabbing my phone as i stood up. smitty had texted me saying that we'd be recording in a few hours, not quite sure what though. i groaned to myself and went into my kitchen only to sit down at my table.

really, i couldn't remember a time when i wasn't sleeping in until close to time to record. falling back into bad habits really hasn't been doing it for my youtube schedule, or my relationships with friends for that matter.

smitty has been concerned. i mean, shit, he's my best friend and he has every right to be, but it's almost like my mind doesn't even process that. we live in completely different parts of canada now, so he's never around to police me like he used to.

with the time before we're set to record, i figured i should at least eat something and take some sort of pain reliever. i'll be damned if i'm about to record with all of this yelling while being completely hungover.

after eating, i went back into my office and got into discord early once i saw smitty was connected already.

"hey," i greeted in a raspy tone.

"jesus, acacia, you sound like death."

"aren't you just the sweetest. i'm hungover as fuck. what do you expect?"

i heard him sigh, "why?"

"the real question," i laughed. "is why not?"

"you worry me. a lot. i hate not living as close to you anymore because i'm not there to make sure you're okay."

"i'm still standing, yea? i'll live. i promise."

john connected to the discord and so did craig and anthony, so our conversation was cut short.

"forgot to mention, cay, we're playing golf it." smitty stated.

———

it's been about two hours after we finished recording. i've been sitting in my room basically doing nothing. i had motivation to draw for about ten minutes, then i kind of just lost every bit of spark i had.

looking down at my phone, i decided to skype john.

he picked up almost instantly.

"hey, you alright? you almost never call me out of the blue." he sounded concerned.

"yea, uh, about that," i bit my lip before continuing, "i'm looking at flights to texas. don't ask, just.. are you free like next week?"

"umm, yea i'm pretty sure. this is really fucking impulsive of you." john laughed.

"tell me about it, but if i have to stay in this stupid fucking apartment in montreal for one more week with no change of scenery, i'm gonna go fucking insane."

"i get that. i have an extra bedroom here, or if you trust me enough to sleep in my room. whatever makes you more comfortable, you know, so you don't have to sleep in a hotel and so we can actually hang out."

"you really are the best." i let out a sigh of relief.

he dramatically flipped his hair, "ugh sister i know."

i laughed and sat back in my chair while running my hands through my hair after finalizing the purchase of the plane tickets.

"john, i don't think you know how much i need this trip. i can't remember the last time i got out of montreal. actually, lies, it was for pax west, but shit."

"come down here more often, honestly. i love hanging out with you because you're as wild in person as you are on video. that's one thing i really love about you."

i choked back a smile and could only find within myself to reply with, "aw, you're a sweetheart."

i pulled out my phone and opened a new tweet.
@notacaciastrain: yes it's nighttime and yes i just bought plane tickets to go visit the vape god in texas next week
@notacaciastrain: my impulsivity is gonna have my ass bankrupt before the end of the year. starting 2017 in a box!

"anyway," i broke the silence, "i need to go edit and probably eat dinner. maybe find motivation to not drink until i blackout again."

"i will literally call you all night to make sure you aren't getting blackout drunk again. it's not healthy and i'm genuinely worried about your wellbeing, acacia."

"that's sweet, really, but i'm fine, am i not?"

"i'm just concerned about you, you mean a lot to me."

"trust me, john, i'll stay safe. if i need anything i'll be sure to text you or smitty. quite honestly i think i finished off the last of my svedka last night and alix won't be back in town for a while so my stash is gonna be dry."

"i guess on that note, sleep well and have a good night. if you get bored or something, god knows i'll probably be up all night, so i'll be here."

"goodnight, john."

"goodnight, cay."

i rubbed my eyes and looked down at the time on my phone, 1:46am. fuck.

before getting ready to settle in, i checked to make sure zena, my dog, still had food.

luckily she did, and she was asleep on the couch since we went to the dog park before i called john.

to have reason to actually eat a full dinner, i decided i'd stay up and edit, which probably isn't the best idea in all honesty.

after heating up leftovers, i sat back down at my desk to start editing a cs:go video from yesterday.

this has the potential to be a long ass night.

———