Double M is My Man

~ 13 ~

It's hard to believe that an object so small can produce a devastating consequence if misused. Two weeks later and I can still feel the round, hard shape of the gun's barrel pressed firmly against my back in warning. I'll find myself reaching towards my back, expecting to feel the gun to realize once and for all that I'm not entirely safe as I thought I was.  I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that something so small can hold your life on a thin string. No amount of action movies can prepare you for the harsh reality of life or death. 

"Zada? Zada!" I snap back from my regular dazes to my own reality. I slowly turn my head to the direction of my name being call to see Charlie staring at me in worry. "Are you alright?" he asks, hesitantly, afraid that if he makes any sudden movements, I might break. It sure feels like that.

Maybe that's why I agreed to coming with Charlie for some little R&R to the mall.

"Ah," I realize that I'm clenching my fork tightly in my hand that my skin has turning an awfully shade of white. I release my hold carefully, not wanting to strain my muscles too much. My fingers shake from the hold and I accidentally let go of the fork, watching it as it falls on top of my chocolate orange cheese cake. 

Now, instead of looking fresh and untouched, my desert appears to have been given a new role as a beach chair for my fork. 

"I'm completely fine. Just overwhelmed of how delicious this cheese caked looks." I answer, a little too cheerfully than I wanted to sound like. 

Charlie nods his head, giving me a questionable look. "It sure looked appetizing a second ago. You know, the fork's not made of silver. There's no need to hold on to it as if you're life depends on it."

Shamefully, I hide my unsteady hands underneath the table and place them on my lap. I try to relax my arms but my hands continue to shake. I attempt to laugh but it sounds more like a desperate release of air. Any laugh in the world can't sound any faker than that. "You're right... I got entranced by the beautiful design of the fork that I got scared I might ruin it." I explain, using the first excuse that came to mind.

"Right..." Charlie replies slowly, glance down at the fork that's resting on my cake. I glance down with him to find that the fork is completely plain with no beautiful design whatsoever.

Oops

Charlie crosses his arms over his chest, his cup of earl grey tea already empty. "You wanna tell me what's going on with you?" He asks straight up. 

I blink a few times from shock. "Um...what do you mean?" 

Charlie rolls his eyes, "don't mistake me for a dumbass, Zada. I can tell when something is wrong with my friends."

I only stare at Charlie with wide eyes, not knowing if I'm more surprised that I'm hearing him swear for the first time and, with his accent, makes the swear sound elegant or that Charlie is genuinely concerned about me. I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, warming them up from embarrassment. "Nothing is wrong. Life's great," I tell him stiffly, not wanting to admit the opposite. 

Charlie gives me a stern look, not wanting to drop the subject. "Then why have you been avoiding everyone but me."

Instantly, I scoff. "I haven't been avoiding anyone. You must be imagining things." 

"Enough with the nonsense Zada. I haven't seen you with that girl, what was her name again?" Charlie asks, frustrated.

"Bailey," I sigh.

"Yes, her. Whenever you see her, you automatically walk in the opposite direction from her." Charlie stubbornly ventures further into the topic I don't want to discuss. "And then there's Castellano." Charlie adds.