Monster Hunter : Freya

Entry 12 : Pen Pushing

Update, I'm stationed on the Celestial Pursuit, a docked airship that Hunters gather on for group expeditions. I ended up with a cozy desk job because of "a reputable display of heroism" regarding the rescue of Arturo. Even indirectly, Lee has saved my life yet again. Now, the most terrifying thing I'll ever have to deal with is the stupid chain lift ride that I have to take to work every day, although I might just stay at my Commission-funded luxury home up here. It's big, stylish, away from society and the view from up here is astonishing. It's missing something, though, and I'm not 100% sure what it could be that keeps me at home in the Mountainside District.
Oh crap. I don't have a patrol, so I'll get fat! That has to be what it is.
After an admittedly short day of stamping "QUEST FAILED" on documents, it's finally time for my shift to end. Who am I kidding, I don't have a friggin shift. Hunters return from expeditions 24 hours a day so I'll return to yet another stack of paperwork in the morning, which has gotten slightly smaller since my predecessor NEVER ACTUALLY DID IT. My subordinates, personally dubbed "CP Gals," are eating together and gossipping with a couple of other people from Astera, including Lee's psychopathic Handler. I'm no good with stuff like that, so I'll just head home.
What the heck, I can't even enjoy a walk home without that idiot, Lee, climbing into my head like he climbs cliffsides. Where has he been? I've been seeing everyone from the Zorah Magdaros Expedition except him. Maybe I scared him off with my weirdness.

Okay, for the last few days, everyone's shuffling around like lunatics, and I'm not sure why. Luckily, though, I don't have to get even a skin cell involved because I work in a floating ship above the entire civilization.
"Hey, Freya! Where ya Dodogama going?"
That was the most forced monster pun ever.
"I'm on the way to work, JB."
"Did ya hear the news?" I hate when he asks questions. His eyebrows always wriggle the most when he's curious, and the unflinching direct eye contact he holds until you answer him is pure torture. It also doesn't help that he held a slight pause before saying "news." It's like he contemplates whether he wants to slide a Monster species name into the sentence or not.
"What news, JB?"
"Turns out, the Zorah Magdaros is planning to kill us all!" Why is he happy while saying this, what. "He's in his final days, so when it dies, the release of all that bioenergy is gonna blow us all out of existence!"
As if life couldn't get any worse. It's not a big deal to me though. There always seems to be some doomsday monster or another sneaking around, waiting until everyone's problems are getting solved by some random fearless Hunter to bust out and want to destroy the world. Which, strangely enough is exactly the story of that first Fujimori guy. JB struck a weird excited pose after declaring that we might all die, so I left him there and continued onto work. I'm enjoying the last few dozen steps before I end up at the actual dread of my day - the 15 seconds I spend on the chain lift. Two rotating chains with little platforms to step onto that take us to upper levels of the city. I usually avoid these, but the Celestial Pursuit is literally mid-air. I just close my eyes as the torment begins. No. I will not pee on myself. My pee is secure in my body's temple.

Okay, the nightmare is over, but there's yet another. Whatever's bustling on ground level has reached up here.
"Again? What the hell is the Commander thinking?!"
"Well, I heard that our lives hang in the balance."
"No way. Probably just another hype tool."
At this point, I had to speed walk. And my legs are short, so I kinda just shuffled to my office. Approximately 181 QUEST FAILEDS and 35 QUEST SUCCESSes later, and my stupid ears can't help but compute everything everyone's saying outside. The Commander's racially ambiguous ass, and his lightskinned grandson are plotting to fight the Zorah Magdaros again. It's annoying to think about, but since Hunters will still be deploying for quests while the second Zorah Magdaros expedition is going on, I get to sit up here nice and safe until it's over. It's been probably a few weeks, and no word from Lee. I had to force myself to think of this, because lately it seems like being around so many ambitious people that do all these great deeds is spurring a desire to do something with myself, even though I literally have no skills or talent. Maybe it's all the quiet time I get here, reading about Monsters.
"Reporting in, Chief."
Maybe I should learn how to sew.
"Officer reporting in, Chief."
Nah sewing is lame. Maybe fishing?
"Chief!"
Oh crap, I forgot I was a Chief Officer. "...." Double crap. I don't know what the heck I'm supposed to say! THESE HOES N E V E R TALK TO ME. This hook-nosed girl is staring at me weirdly with those long eyelashes and the pressure is too much.
"Fashizzle."
"...?"
WHY DID THAT COME OUT OF MY MOUTH? I'm done here, man. My Chiefing days are over.
"Chief, we have news of a resource shipment from The Argosy. Requesting authorization for inspection."
Girl, if you don't take your J-nose ass out of here and go inspect the ship already.. Ugh. "Approved."