Soulless

S O U L L E S S: CHAPTER 40

This was all too much.

It felt like the pressure was building to a complete breakdown; I was drowning in it now. I could feel it swallowing me whole, and stealing the breath from my lungs. Threatening to break me completely.

"Are you okay?" Cedric stepped up from behind me, his smooth voice soothing to hear. Even though it made me hesitant; things had changed now, and I knew that, "These last few hours...they must have been hard."

I already knew what he was here to talk about, and Cedric knew me well enough to know that. I could hear the sympathy in his tone, and although I appreciated what it meant, I resented it.

I hated that I had been asking the same huge question my whole life. Only to find out it's answer was worse than anything I could have literally imagined.

"No." I was surprised by my own admission; I meant to say the opposite. I inhaled deeply to keep my composure, something that'd suddenly become much more fragile than before, "But I'll survive."

The warmth of his skin pressed against mine, as he brushed his hand against my own, "That, I believe." The pride in his voice when he said it, made my own mood lighten a little, "You're the strongest person I know, Adriana."

"I'm really not." I rasped, trying to keep the tears gathering in my eyes from spilling. The smell of him embraced me now, he was standing so close, I could feel the warmth of his body radiate off him. Those intense bottomless eyes shined with pain, pain for me, "I can feel myself slipping, and I thought that had stopped when you came into my life!"

Cedric clenched his eyes shut as he gathered me into his strong arms, pulling me hard against his chest, and seemingly holding me together. 

I was afraid that if he let go I would shatter into a hundred little pieces. I savored the feeling of his body molding against mine, the way his chin rested on my head.

"I'm sorry, Adriana." Cedric's breath seemed to scorch my scalp, "I can't fix you. Trust me, I want more than anything to be the one that can, but the truth is that I'm relying on you to fix me. Nothing that has happened has changed anything between us, you know that."

Cedric cupped my face gently in his strong hands, his thumbs softly brushed along my cheekbones dazzlingly. 

I slipped my eyes shut ,and enjoyed the fleeting moment of innocence between us, because it may be the last. Even though everything was happening so fast, and briefly; I was still happy to have him.

But he didn't know as much as I did. 

Just that thought alone plagued me. All the Salvador's knew was that my biological mother was an Elder- they didn't know that her family would want to groom me for a position like hers. But maybe they didn't need to.

I didn't need to worry them like that; not when Katerina, and I had an agreement to prevent that from happening.

"Don't deny that the circumstances have changed." I sighed instantly bursting our small bubble that wrapped around us. Cedric sighed as he drew away, and I squeezed his hand insistently, "My whole bloodline is made from wraiths; all of them."

Cedric's jaw clenched, and he nodded in acceptance, "I know that, Adriana." He reasoned shaking his head like it would make the fact vanish, "But what you need to accept that it is a choice; the path you choose is based on your soul. You don't just become a wraith because your family is, you choose it."

"Have you got any wraiths in your family?" I suddenly asked defiantly, needing to know he wasn't just saying this because it was what he felt.

For a second Cedric looked insulted, and drew back from me, "Yeah, Adriana, I do." He stated, his expression scolding. He totally knew what I had insinuated there, "Almost every family does; not everyone is satisfied with the Cadre's ruling. So, they leave, they cave into the Downworld. It happens."