RiKara OS Gallery: A Beauty Undefined

A Peep Into the Past

OS#3 A Peep into the Past

"How is he now?

I distinctly heard my overprotective brother's voice at the entryway of my room. Trust him to check up on me after the big showdown with my so called father that had happened earlier today. I had my eyes closed pretending to sleep so that I wouldn't worry my chirayya who had me settled in her lap and was mindlessly caressing my hair. God it had felt good, somehow a simple gesture like that had wiped away my rage and had calmed me down. But I still couldn't forget what had happened. Just when I thought Tej Singh Oberoi's standards of ruthlessness couldn't drop any further, he always managed to surprise me.

I felt the weight of the bed shift and realized that Gauri had invited Shivaay over. God knows why these two were so worried, I was fine. Another hand made its way on my shoulder and gave me a few rubs before it was released. Shivaay.

"He is okay. Just went to sleep, I managed to calm him down, but he was hurt, Bade Bhaiya.

Shivaay sighed.

"I know. I had expected this from Om.

"But what I hadn't expected was the relief in knowing that you are there with him. that he isn't alone. Because if he was, god knows what...

I instantly felt guilty. I knew what Shivaay was referring to and I knew that I had put him through hell in the past with my constant battle with drugs. I had been clean for three years now, but that hadn't eliminated his fear of seeing me in a dark alleyway again, passed out and alone. When I saw myself through his eyes, I could only feel cold-blooded fear. So, yes I felt guilty, immensely guilty.

The conversation was quiet for a while before I heard Shivaay's voice quiver as he began to speak.

"Gauri, you have no idea how much pain Om has seen in his life. From childhood, he had known that Bade Papa and Badi Ma were having problems. I tried my best to not let him know the truth of their marriage, the constant yelling and insults and crying, but he knew. He found out. As a child, Om was always quiet, thoughtful, instinctive, even. He understood emotions and words and people. He could see past the tears that Badi Ma would hide. He could understand the reasons behind Bade Papa's frequent trips abroad and he knew when Mom constantly taunted and yelled. It broke him. Gauri, it broke him.

I had never seen so much rage before. At 10 years old, he was destroying every artwork he had ever made. His room was a mess, he was a mess. Only I knew how much strength it took for me to calm him down and let him cry in my arms. To the outside world, we seemed like the perfect family. The Oberois. But on the inside, my brother was breaking and I couldn't do anything about it.

Gauri's hands shifted to Shivaay's as he continued to describe the horrors of our childhood.

"Then after Om's 12th boards, Bade Papa began to pressurize him to join the office and support the business. Om's passion for art was a waste of time, according to him. And he didn't want his son wasting away. Nor did he want me to head the Oberoi empire. I'll be honest, it hurt. But it wasn't me who I was thinking about at the time. Om needed me to support him. support his talent. So when Bade Papa sent him abroad to study business in London, I cancelled his admission and had enrolled him in the Art school he had applied to. I had never seen him happier when I told him what I did. That was when I knew I had made the right decision and I vowed to stand by him for his dream to become an artist.

Tears glistened my cheek as I felt Gauri's soft quivers while listening to Shivaay's words. I would be indebted to him forever for his decision to enroll me in Art school. A lot of people ask me why my brother is so important for me and this was one of the many reasons why Shivaay was not just my brother, he was a part of my soul.

"But Gauri, Om's troubles didn't end there. I thought that if he stayed away from the mansion, then he wouldn't be so disturbed with his parent's turbulent relationship. But I was wrong. Bade Papa found out about the Art school six months after he left and had withdrawn his admission. When Om came home from London, the light from his eyes had gone. I was looking at the hollow of my brother and I was scared Gauri. I was scared for my brother's life. Two weeks, Om kept himself locked in his room. He wouldn't let anybody in. Later I found out that he was drinking excessively when I caught him drunk at the poolside. It was only when Badi Ma threatened Babe Papa with her life, that he reenrolled Om for Art school and let him go. Little did I know that that would only be the start of Om's drug addiction. When he went to London, he was my sweet innocent brother. But when he came back after 3 years, he had lost weight, he was irritable and...just gone. It was Om's body, but he wasn't there

Shivaay stopped. He sighed again in an effort to control the tears that I knew were rolling down his cheeks. He kept his hand on my shoulder again and continued.

"I forced him to visit a therapist. I followed him to routine checks and made sure he was clean. But there was very little that I could do. He fell sick and became violent when he was clean, and high and wasted when he was on drugs. I wanted my brother back.

"Riddhima...his ex-girlfriend..

Shivaay stopped for a minute, but continued when I felt Gauri's placing her hand on top of his on my shoulder. Her quiet reassurance, must have helped Shivaay go on, because when he talked again, his voice was more steady.

"Riddhima helped him out of his addiction and for that I will be forever grateful to her. He began to spend so much time with her in London and I began to see flickers of my old Om back. I was desperate to keep her in his life, so on my behest, he moved in with her.

Gauri clutched my shoulder for second before leaving it. I felt a tear on my cheek and I knew that it was unwanted jealousy. How I wish I could wipe her tears away and somehow change the past and meet her before Riddhima. I wish I hadn't taken things as far as I had with my ex, but what was done was done.

"Om was happy, but he wasn't satisfied. Then Riddhima's betrayal, Bade Papa demand for a divorce, Badi Ma's attempted suicide, Swetlana's accusations...if Om's life was complicated, then the path just got worse. I not only began to fear for his life, I began to fear for his future. I didn't know what path his life was leading to and I was desperate to do anything to stop the trouble that was coming. I was so scared I was going to lose him again Gauri. I didn't know what to do. So, I sent him to Bareilly.

Bareilly. How could I forget? I had gone with a stone cold heart and had unknowingly done the best thing that I could have done for my life. I married Gauri. To save her from goons, I married her, but truth was she had saved me. Time and again, she had saved me from myself.

"I don't know how and when you met him and entered his life, Gauri, but you are the best thing that ever happened to him. His darkness, his desperation, his rage...you faced everything, yet you didn't back down. You dared to love him when he had lost hope on love. You stayed married to him when he had lost faith in marriage. You taught him how to love, how to live and how to let go. Gauri, he might have saved you from your villagers in Bareilly, but for me you saved my brother. I never saw him laugh and smile the way Ive seen him do with you. As Chulbul, you gave him hope and gave me relief. and as his wife, you are truly his anchor.

"Do you know, how many years I have lived with the feeling that I may not see my brother Om alive the next day. I had never come to terms with the thought that I might lose him to his darkness, but now with you in his life, I have nothing to worry about. Absolutely n-nothing..."

Shivaay's voice broke and I began to understand the extent to which I had caused him pain.

"Bade Bhaiya, you have nothing to worry about, I won't let Omkara ji feel alone ever again. I'm here, right here and I'm not going anywhere."

I felt her kiss on my forehead as she tightened her grip on Shivaay's hand on my shoulder. And I felt truly grateful for these two jewels in my life. In my madness, I couldn't see what I was doing to my brother, but now that I understood, I vowed never to put him through that again. Now that I had my chirayya with me and love knocking on my door, I didn't need to feel alone. I was finally content with what I had. Slowly, I drifted off into a deep slumber with the rhythmic strokes of Gauri's hands in my hair. And the last thoughts that ran through my head were that of pure bliss.