In Love With My Best Friend

chap 8 ; beat yourself up

i feel like i want to drop onto my knees and sob 24/7

i wish i could just stay in bed my entire life and just forget the world.

i knew it.

i knew it all along.

jake found someone.

he'll fall in love with her.

have kids.

and get married someday.

knowing he likes someone instead of me breaks my heart.

but it's his life.

he can do anything he wants to do with it.

i stopped thinking because it was too much to handle.

my eyes were getting really watery.

i blinked rapidly to make the tears go away.

but it didn't work.

one tear shed onto my cheek

i couldn't handle the pain.

i didn't want jake see me break.

yeah he see's me cry a lot about my problems and stuff

but i don't want him to see me cry because this problem, is about HIM!

jake - "jane. what's wrong?"

he bend over the table and wiped my tear with his thumb

me - "i can't talk about it with you"

jake - "why not? you always come to me when you have problems"

me - "yeah. well not this time. i'm sorry jake. i'm not comfortable talking about it"

i said and keep looking at the ground.

my tears keep pouring and pouring.

i could make a swimming pool by how many tears i'm shedding.

jake - "please jane. i wanna help"

me - "no you can't help. because this problem i have right now. is something that can't be fixed. just please. i'll tell you when i feel comfortable talking to you about it."

jake - "okay jane. okay. let's go back to the apartment. okay?"

me - "okay"

we drive back to the apartment in silence and once we reach our place.

i run into the bedroom and close my eyes and try to fall asleep.

but i can't.

i can't fall asleep because of the thoughts that are running through my mind.

i can't stop thinking that jake is happy. and i'm here. wrecked.

i hear the door open and then close softly.

i didn't want to look up because i know it was jake.

jake - "hey. i brought you some water" jake whispers.

i open my eyes slowly and do a quick fake smile.

me - "thanks jake. that means a lot"

jake - "look. if it's about a guy or something, i could beat him up for you"

i look down.

me - "go ahead. beat yourself up"

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sorry for another short chapter

i'm not feeling good.

i have a runny nose and i have to blow my nose once in a while.

so sorry.

but i'm trying and update just for you guy's ❤️

so i'm sorry if i keep making short chapters.

i hope you like then though (: