Switched

Pain and Agreements

I don't know if I was actually the best thing that happened to Zero that year or not, but it certainly didn't feel that way. Especially when I found him in his room with a loaded gun in his hand. It was a vampire and werewolf gun- its bullets only hurt their species. That meant that Zero couldn't shoot me with it, but that wasn't my primary concern when I spotted it. The firearm was resting against the side of his head; I think he was very near pulling the trigger. A fear ran over me like I'd never felt before. "Zero!" Without conscious thought, I ran into his room to grab hold of the pistol. I crashed into him with such force that it knocked him down onto his mattress. I laid over top of him, adamantly refusing to release the gun.

"What the hell are you doing?!" "Nothing," the vampire infuriatingly answered as nonchalantly as possible. "Don't lie to me! Your gun's safety is off! Were you trying to kill yourself?!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "Why did you come here?" His voice was low. My eyes grew at the sudden grip of his hands. Before I knew what was happening, I found myself flipped onto my back. It was me who was suddenly pinned against the bed; Zero held me there with minimal effort- he was that strong. "W-what are you doing?!" I gasped bewildered. Instead of providing me with an answer, his hand just reached down to pull down the neck of my shirt. It revealed the bandage the doctor put on yesterday.

"Look at you," he hissed, not disguising his self-loathing. "That's the mark of a monster; a demon. Don't you see? So long as you're around me, you'll never be safe again." "W-what are you talking about? I let you drink my blood. You're not a monster, Zero........" His eyes widened, and he pulled off of me, not saying a word as he left the room. I didn't move for a second, continuing to stare up at the ceiling."That's the mark of a monster; a demon. Don't you see? So long as you're around me, you'll never be safe again." I don't think so, Zero. My hand rested gently on my forehead as my eyes shut. I don't think so.........

Getting up, I raced up behind Zero. Ah, screw it! He was still suffering. He was no longer thirty but now, he was guilt-ridden- to the point of suicide. I had to make this better, I had to help him before it was too late. Zero's whole being tensed as I unexpectedly wrapped both my arms around him from behind. "Tell me you'll never do that again!" I commanded. "Tell me you'll never aim your gun at yourself ever again!" "Selene!" He gasped, trying to turn around to face me. I held onto him as tightly as I could. "Promise me, Zero! Promise!" "But what about you?!" He was as loud as me. "I'm not going anywhere! You can...... you can drink from me, Zero; it's ok, I'll be there for you; I will!"

Tugging me off him, Zero spun around to look me straight in the eye; mine had tears in the corners by now. His softened upon me. "I saw into your heart too. I saw everything...... You..... you are good, Selene; too good for someone like me to......." He couldn't finish his sentence, recoiling at his own thoughts. Oh, I see! My eyes started to grow in revelation. He saw every aspect of me, he knows everything....... That must mean he feels some regard for me. So that's why...... "It's my job to hunt down vampires who attack humans like you. I knew it was a matter of time before I became one of them......." "It's ok, Zero. I'm not mad and I don't feel tainted in any way, if that's what you're worried about." "It's more than that," his eyes narrowed. "I can't...... I can't ever get to the point where I can't control myself again, not around you." "Zero," my eyes locked onto his. "What do you want from me exactly?"

He hesitated to respond for a moment, taking in a deep breath. "I want you to understand the situation; to know me for what I truly am- an uncontrollable monster." "But I don't see you as a monster, Zero." "I know," that's when the faintest of grins peered in the corner of his mouth. "Selene, I know you better than anyone now. I know everything about you- your likes and dislikes, your hopes and dreams, your deepest fears. That's why I know you're telling the truth when you say that. That's why I tried to....... Because I know you won't stop. I know you won't leave me like this, even though you know barely anything about me."

"I know a lot about you, Zero," I corrected. "I saw into your heart too; I know what's inside. You may be a stranger technically, but I feel...... I feel close to you, somehow. It's hard to explain," my hand raised to my chest. "I wish I knew how to explain it." "Don't bother," Zero shook his head. "I get it. You want to help me; you don't like to see me suffer." "Is that wrong?" "No, but if I'm not the one who'll suffer, then you'll have to suffer. You know that," his hands shoved deep into his pockets. "And I can't let you; I won't. It's better an uncontrollable monster disappears than a precious human." "You think I'm precious?" My cheeks began to burn. Zero merely stared at me for the longest time before his eyes softly shut.

"Don't do this." "Do what?" I asked. "I don't want to get attached to you, and I don't want you to get attached to me?" "W-where's this coming from?" This caught me off guard. "I know you said that you feel close to me now that you've seen inside my heart; I don't want to feel close. There's no point. Even if I don't shoot myself, we'll be parted sooner or later. You're a weak, defenseless human and I drink blood...... We were not meant to be close, to be friends. You understand?"

I stared at him with large eyes. How....... How could he say that? After what we just went through; didn't he think that that would bring us closer together? Was he really afraid of attacking me that much? Then, in a flash, it hit me like a lightning bolt. No, of course he didn't want me to get attached to him; that made it easier for him to run from me. Zero did care for me, and this was proof of his affection. Entering my heart yesterday must have been an edifying experience. He saw me, he knew me- and he wanted to protect me. I doubted Zero would kill himself now that I caught him, but that didn't mean that he wouldn't run from me at the next opportunity. My attachment, my tenderness for him would make it hard to leave me. He wanted an easy way out; one where he knew that I wouldn't try to stop him or find him after the fact. Zero....... My eyes softened. This is the only way he knows how to protect those he cares for- to run before it's too late. If we stayed together like this, he would most certainly drink from me again in the future. That didn't bother me, but it seemed to enrage Zero, because......

"Alright, Zero," the vampire flinched at the sound of my voice again. "We will move at your pace. Whether we move forward as friends or stay here as acquaintances is completely up to you. I won't get more attached than you're comfortable with." He didn't say anything, just kept gawking at me with huge eyes. "In exchange, you must promise not to harm yourself- ever. I don't care how you feel; no shooting or killing yourself, got it? Otherwise, I'll bleed all over the dorm," I added a playful grin to the last part. Zero wasn't smiling; he looked at war with himself. "Promise, Zero?" I pressed when he failed to respond.

"Why?" His lips eventually gasped. "Why are you doing this?" I shrugged. "Same reason I did last night. I want to help you, Zero, and if keeping my distance makes you more comfortable, then I'll do so. I...... I admit I wish we could try and be friends, but this is more important. Just promise me; promise me so I don't have to worry." "Selene," he whispered my name. After a minute or so of quiet, he gave a concluding nod. "Ok, deal." "You promise?" "I swear I won't do anything to myself." "Good," I let out a relieved sigh. "And in return, I'll hold up my part of the bargain. From here on out, we'll only be roommates." Although this is what he asked for, he didn't seem satisfied with this.

Zero kept his eyes glued on me as I passed by, heading back to my bedroom. "Well then, since that's taken care of, I'm going to bed. We're going to the beach tomorrow," I glanced back over my shoulder to flash him a gentle smile. "Good night, Zero. Have a good school day, uh night." He didn't respond, only kept on staring at me wearing a conflicting expression. I wanted to ask if he was alright, but I already knew the answer. Instead, I just shut my door. My forehead rested against the wood for a few seconds after and I pressed my hand underneath my head on the door. Then, with a heavy heart, I got changed and headed off to bed.