Don't Leave (JeanMarco)

Jean's Journal

Jean's Journal

~

February 27th

        It's been 2 months sense Marco's accident. He went to get a prosthetic fitted today, and I wanted to come but he begged me not to. He's really been struggling from the loss of his leg. A doctor also insisted that he start meeting with a physical therapist, so he has. His physical therapist is a nice woman named Annie. She showed him how he can get into cars and into bed and some other stuff. He can still drive, he just needs to use his right foot for everything, which was hard for him at first, but I think he's got the hang of it now. 

        I also checked him into some therapy. He hated me, and he refused to talk to me for a day, but I honestly had no choice. Marco got really depressed. He didn't want to leave the house. He was afraid that people would laugh at him because of his leg. I wanted to slap him for even thinking that. 

        We tried to ride a bus one time, and a woman offered him help with his 'disability'. He held it together on the bus, but when we got home, be broke down again. He told me he hated being veiwed as an outcast of society. I hated seeing him like this. There was nothing I could do to help him. 

        The breaking point for me was when I saw eight tiny red slashes across his wrist. I found his blades, and I flushed them down the toilet. I grabbed his wheelchair and I wheeled him right into therapy. I actually cried that night. I told him he was perfect no matter what happened to his body, and I never saw the cuts again. 

        He's on a total of nine different medications. Seven for his pain, one for depression, and sleeping pills. The first week he got home, he slept a maximum of two hours a night. It got better after we got the sleeping pills, but he still never wanted to sleep. He told me he woke up with the worst pain he had ever felt before. 

        On top of all that, I still havn't proposed. I thought about doing it on Valentine's Day, but it seemed like a bad time. I'll probably do it after Marco gets used to his prosthetic leg for a while. After he gets better.

        Having to watch Marco struggle and not be able to help is worse than dying.