Don't Leave (JeanMarco)

Marco's Letter

        Jean, 

I'm writing to you because I don't know what else to do at this point. I want to straighten a few things out:

        1) I still love you. Don't you ever think that I don't love you. 

        2) I'm going to be okay. I want you to be okay too. 

      3) I wanted to say yes. I wanted to scream 'yes' to the sun, but a tiny part of me knew that could never happen. That tiny part won over my thoughts. I'm biting my shirt so you don't hear me cry. 

I'm in the bathroom right now. I don't know when you'll find this note. If you find it soon enough, my tear stains might still be there. I can't marry you because I'm not perfect. I'm missing a leg, and no matter how much I love you you won't be able to love me as much. I'm not whole anymore. 

I can't ever love anyone ever again. There is so much wrong with me right now, I don't know where to start. I don't feel like anyone can ever love me. I told you I'd go out to a hotel for a night or so, and come back. I'll probably be in the next state over by the time you find this. 

Don't call me. I won't pick up. 

Jean, move on from me. Go out and find a better guy than me. Someone who isn't a chronically depressed freak without a leg. Marry that guy. Adopt a kid, or whatever. The people at the adoption agency probably wouldn't even let us adopt a kid because of my disability. 

You probably noticed I didn't take my prosthetic. It's okay, don't worry. I won't need it anymore. 

I'm almost out of paper. so I'll get to the point. That accident should have killed me, Jean. I'm just going to finish the job.