❝Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.❞
❝That would be you.❞
❝You're a smooth motherfucker, aren't you?❞
In which Nico desperately needs advice and finds a payphone, but he has nobody to call.
And then the payphone rings.
And Nico answers.
And ov...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
━━━━━━━━
"NESSANESSANESSANESSANES—"
"Nico, if you don't shut your trap in the next 5 seconds I am going to ram a megaphone so far into your ass that China will be able to hear you fart."
"Shit, Nessa. I didn't know you could make a homicidal threat like that sound so... sexual. Do it again. Threaten me with a jackhammer or something this time."
"What could you possibly want at 3 in the morning, you dickwad?! And how are you horny at such an ungodly hour?! Have you no shame?"
"None. I'm always horny, Nessa. It comes as naturally to me as pissing on carpet does to dogs."
"I'm beginning to see that."
"But for once, I'm not here to woo you with Nasty Nico's seductive talents, Jenny left!"
"What? What do you mean she... left?"
"I mean she's gone! I guess all the gossip was too much for her pasty ass, so she pulled a Zayn and left town!"
"Too soon, Nasty Nico."
"But it's been three years? Cmon Nessa, move on. Better yet, move onto me."
"IT'S TOO DAMN SOON!"
"Y— yes, of course. I'm sorry for your loss, Nessa."
"Thank you."
"So...?!"
"Wait, so she left town? When?"
"Like, three days ago? I couldn't tell you because I wasn't sure, but Terry just sent me a snap from her story, she's somewhere in Michigan. Why?"
"Nico... that's when Niffy left. In the company of Pedo With a Penis?"
"So?"
"What's Jenny's last name?"
"Robertson."
"Middle name?"
"Mario. Wait, no. Maria. God, Terry's ruined me."
"...well holy fucking balls, dude."
"Yeah? What about them? What're you gonna do to me this time, Nessa?"
"God help me."
━━━━━━━━
trust nico to ruin a suspenseful mood amirite
he just cant keep his dirty dingdong in his pants
++who saw this coming, i tried to make it obvious but also hide it? idk it was probably a failure
ALSO about the gif
if you've watched friends, hi welcome you're my new best friend
joey and chandler were my favorite duo it was just tweedledumb and tweedledumber and it was fantastic
and monicas visuals???? wow
pheobe and smelly cat will forever live in my heart
rachel lowkey a bitch but thats why i love her and i dont even have enough words to describe how deeply ross being an emotional mess resonated with me
