How I See You

Chapter 46 - It's Will.

"I don't want to see you, ever again!" 

"I don't want to see you, ever again!" 

"Ever again!" 

Katy's words echo in my head at the most random moments. It's bloody scary, and every time it stabs pain into me like a dagger.  

I don't love Katy. I love Alyssa. Now, a part of me wished I didn't love her, that I didn't know her anymore, but those past few months were the best of my life. But now everyone has to be so messed up that it's like a chain - Niall loves Katy, who loves me, and I love Alyssa, but she doesn't love anyone. She's the dead end, all because of the stupid accident. 

And what hurts most is that it's all my fault. If I could turn back time, I would never have gone up to her room, so her dad would never have found me. And Alyssa wouldn't have run out into the street after me. 

I think about all this as I sit on the edge of the high bridge, my feet hanging off the edge. I realise everything then - that I've lost all my friends, that I'll never be forgiven, and I won't ever forgive myself. And Alyssa's parents only let me stay at the hospital because they thought it would A) Shut me up, and B) Help Alyssa to wake up. Bu now she is awake and she doesn't remember me they don't give a damn. I also realise that everything really is going to happen - I'm going to move and never speak to my best friends again. I can't remember my life even without Tai and Niall and Lewis. And I know they wouldn't forgive me this time.

When I look down at the lake, and around at the sand, I see a figure with long, golden curly hair walking along the water's edge towards me. I feel a glimmer of hope or excitement, even, and scramble up to my feet, going to the edge of the bridge and racing down the steps. Before I didn't want to talk to her again, but right now . . . I don't care, somehow. 

However when i begin to speed-walk towards her I see it isn't Alyssa. My heart slowly sinks with each step I take. It's a tall girl, a very tall one actually. And she doesn't look anything like Alyssa, her hair isn't as long, even. It's just the same colour and texture. 

Sighing, I'm about to turn around, when she smiles at me and says, "Can I help you?" 

I realise I am still walking and I stop, shoving my hands in my pockets. "No. No, I'm fine. Thank you." 

She probably thinks that I like the look of her or something. She stops before me and just keeps on smiling. "Oh, well you looked like you were in a rush to get to me!" 

I laugh awkwardly, and step back. "Yeah, sorry. I thought you were someone else. Forget that even happened." It takes all my energy to not glare at her. 

She shrugs. "Alright. Well, see you around then." 

"Yeah, bye."

Most awkward moment of the month. 

I hurriedly walk away, slightly angered. She's done nothing wrong, but I'm just annoyed. Like I am with every innocent person these days. 

I kick rocks in front of me as I walk, and see a dog suddenly bounding towards me, shouts of laughter following it along. It's a tiny little ball of fluff, and it starts running in circles around me, until it stops in front of me, obviously dizzy. I let out a smile and bend down to pat it, then stand up as I sense two people coming towards me. It's a boy and girl holding hands, about my age, both smiling like they had just gained eternal life. I feel a pang off annoyance, and envy, and begin to walk away immediately, my head down. 

Everyone is so fucking happy, except me. 

I haven't got far after that when I see a girl sitting on the rocks with her back to me. She has a purple hoodie on with the hood up, and I can see wisps of golden curly hair flowing behind her from the hood.