Distorted Dreams

Love Rejects

A soft melody. Sad, depressing almost. That's what was on the drive. And then someone began singing. His voice was hoarse, most likely dehydrated or unused to singing. I didn't get much out of the song the first time, but then I listened to it a few times and something in me broke.

This voice. It was his. These lyrics. They were apologizing. They were confessing. They were saying he was sorry. They were saying something else as well.

I hate myself too.
But I love you.

I ran from the library and into a supply closet where I slid down the wood door and buried my face in my arms. My shoulders shook as I started crying.

Why now? I just found my soulmate, and then the guy who almost raped me says he loves me?

But he seemed really sorry. The song and his attitude today said it.

It doesn't matter. I found my soulmate. He doesn't matter.

(A/n: this is a differing thought portion. The optimist and the pessimist sides of Jimin are arguing.)

Just give him a chance.

No.

He loves you.

I don't.

At least give him an answer.

He's avoiding me.

Then get him to stay.

No. My soulmate told me to not touch one person to find out who they were.

Then don't touch him. Just get him to stay.

But how?

Yoongi's POV:

You've done it now you stupid excuse for a human being.

He listened to the song. He ran off. He looked scared.

Please forgive me. I can't sit by and do nothing any more.

Standing up, I followed him and quietly stood outside of the closet he ran into, listening to his painful crying. Then the door opened. He looked me dead in the eye as the feeling of guilt crept up my spine. Why am I doing this? He obviously doesn't feel the same.

I'm doing this for me, aren't I?

This thought brought a dry smile to my face.

"Hey," I tried.

"Is what you wrote true," he asked, never moving his gaze. "Do you really love me?"

"Seems almost insane seeing about what happened, doesn't it?"

"It doesn't matter if it's insane. What matters is that it's true or not."

"Yes," I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck and staring at the ground. "I do love you."

When I glanced up, I winced at the hard expression on his face.

"Just to keep you from looking like a kicked puppy 24/7," he huffed.

"What?" I asked, confused as he grabbed my collar and brought me closer.

My eyes widened as I felt skin on skin. Lip against lip. He was kissing me.

Thump.

Tha-thump.

Thump thump tha-thump.

My heart began to beat out of my rib cage as I tried savoring the definite once in a lifetime moment. Slowly, my hands rose to rest on his waist as my eyes closed and kissed him back. One hand went up to his hair and brought him closer so that his body was pressed against mine. I rubbed soft circles into his back, feeling him shaking. Not from the kiss, but from being so close to me after what happened in the locker room.

He gripped my shirt tighter as I tried deepening the kiss, which he hesitantly allowed. I could've sworn that I was in heaven when my tongue found its way in. Sparks were popping from behind my eyes as somehow Jimin ended up against the wall, trapped underneath me. He began tapping my shoulder repeatedly and making grunting noises.

I backed away almost immediately. He gasped a bit before looking back up at me and wiping his swollen mouth.

"Happy?" He asked quietly, grabbing his stuff and straightening up again. I couldn't answer, still surprised that he let me do that.

"I thought you hated me."

"I do," he snapped. I looked down with pained eyes. "I only did that so that you would stop being so depressing. It doesn't mean anything. And it never will. Never speak of this or to me."

He began to leave, but I grabbed his wrist.

"What are you doing? Let me go!"

"I need to explain," I said, pulling him into the closet. I locked the door behind us and leaned against it. "I do love you. What happened that day was pressure."

"Really?" He asked sarcastically. "Because it didn't seem like pressure would be that enjoyable to you."

"There's this stupid rule that popular kids or sport captains have to set new kids into their place. Sometimes it means a fight. Sometimes it means bullying. Sometimes it means alienation. And sometimes it means... that. I didn't want to do it. But there's a pressure that would not only hurt me, but you as well if I didn't do it. If I didn't, then there would be the other captains or popular kids' decision of physically hurting you. When I first saw you, I thought you wouldn't be able to take that kind of pain, so I did what I did. I'm so fucking dumb. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to take it the wrong way."

"You're a conceited dumb ass, Min," Jimin replied coldly. "First you assault me and then you say you love me and make a lame ass excuse to cover it up? How much of an idiot are you?"

"I do love you," I said quietly, feeling my heart begin breaking with every word coming from the lips I had kissed so passionately before. "And I'm telling the truth. Please just believe me."

"Nothing you say or do will make me believe or forgive you. If you think for a second that you'll ever have a chance with me, you're sorely mistaken. I have someone now and I surely will not be trading him for you."

"Jimin, please," I croaked, the tears beginning to form.

"No. Nothing you can say will make me feel differently. Here. I don't want this."

Something clattered by my feet as I was pushed away from the door and he exited. The door shut as my tears fell over upon seeing the blue drive with his name on it. I scooped it up and held it close as I choked out sobs, attempting to wipe my tears away, yet failing. The door opened and Hoseok rushed in, holding me in his arms and rocking me back and forth to stop my crying.

He already had someone. I'll never have a chance with him.

I should—

"Hey," Hoseok whispered. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but do you want to spend the night at my place? I don't want you alone like this."

Spending the night meant that I would be sleeping overnight with Jimin. Falling asleep in the same building as him. Waking up to him in the morning.

But that'll never happen.

I know this now.

"Sure," I said. Better to move on. He'll never love me. So I should stop loving him.

But I know I won't be able to do that.