A cry for help

Goodkin

When I cry when I TV show ends I'm not crying because the show has ended.
I'm crying because something has been taken away from me.
I use TV, books, Fanfiction, fiction in general to cope.

I fixate and obsess over these things to help me escape for a while so that I can deal with the real world when I get back to it.
When I show ends, or I finish a book, that coping mechanism has been taken away from me.

Yes, I can go find a new one and
Yes, I always do.

But there is a period in between my fictional worlds where I feel trapped in the real one and that is really REALLY hard to deal with.

Because I was never taught how.
I was told that this is the way the world is and that I couldn't change that.
I was told the medication and the therapy would help me handle but I was never taught how to deal with it.

No one can tell you how to get out of bed in the morning without wishing you hadn't woken up in the first place.
No one can tell you how to interact with a person without being in a constant state of panic over what you are doing wrong.

I don't expect people to understand, mental health is hard to grasp.
I just expect a little respect.

Yes, it looks strange to some that I sob over fiction and
Yes, perhaps I shouldn't publish my pain.

But I do that so that any one who may understand,
Just may be able to help.

I cling to one fictional world then move onto another not because I've chosen to be this way,
But because I haven't been taught any other way to be.