Thanks To You -Spencer Charnas

II

-Caroline-

    "So this year we are going to read hamlet. I know this book isn't the best but....." Ms. Kearns kept going on. I was trying to focus but butt brain behind me kept tapping my desk with his foot. I don't understand why guys are such @ss holes but I'm not dealing with it this year. Maybe I should say something.... nahhhhh

  Thump Thump Thump Thump Thump

  If you ignore it Care, it'll stop.

Thump Thump Thump Thump

  I shrug my shoulders, feeling my heart beat out of my chest  and I shrink down in my chair. Breathe... just breathe, come on remember to breathe

Thump Thump Thump Thump..... THAT IS IT!

   I got up from my seat in the middle of Ms. Kearns lesson and walked out. She probably already knows why. I can hear people from the class I just exited laughing. I'm glad my anxiety attack is so laughable. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I hunch down and try to catch my breath.
    Why does he effect me like this? I hate him. I know everyone probably thinks I'm stupid for having a panic attack over someone tapping my desk but that isn't it... it's him. He just rattles my bones to the core. Sadly my inter monologue is interrupted by the bathroom door opening. I hear girly laughter and I walk out of the stall and out of the bathroom (applying hand sanitizer as I leave. Soap gives me eczema) 

    I can't go back to class so I walk to the music room and hide in there. This place is my safe space. I can lose my thoughts in here and just dream. I like to sing and play the piano. It's my little hobby other than being a nerd.  I open the piano cover and run my hands down the keys. He used to love when I played.... stop. I shake that feeling away. Not the time. I start playing I found by Amber Run and sink away in the music.

I'll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense then you'll
Lose your mind.
And I'll use you as a focal point
So I don't lose sight of what I want
And I've moved further than I thought I could
But I missed you more than I thought I would
And I'll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind
And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be
Right in front of me
Talk some sense to me.

 
   The school bell breaks me out of my trance.... tears running down my face. God I'm such a baby. First day of senior year and I've already had a panic attack and cried... must be a new record. I get up and walk my way to history. I'm just happy to have a class with Sammy. She is the best friend someone like me could ever ask for.

     The hallways feel really small to me. I feel like a sheep in a den of lions here. Now you maybe asking why don't I get homeschooled since I'm so miserable. Well the answer is that I would have to stay home with my mother all day and I'm good. I look up and the bell rings. Shit, I'm late. "Ugh" I walk through the hallway and there he is. The devil himself, smirking. Well this must be my end.

  "Hey Care, why'd you run out of English?" He says calmly. I look down. He chuckles a little and comes closer to me. I flinch as he touches my shoulder. "Stop being so scared of me, Carrie. You make me look like a bad guy," I look up at him in disbelief. Is he fucking serious? Like really? HE IS THE BAD GUY!

  " are you serious?" I whisper. He looks at me sideways. I laugh and scoff. "You have made my life hell since sophomore year when your mean ass got here. You have bullied me for 3 years now. Please just leave me alone." I flip him off and turn on my feet to take the other way to class. He grabs me and caresses my face. I look at him confused as shit.

  "You're cute" he says then snaps and walks away. "See you later special nerd." He says trailing away. My heart is jumping and it's not my anxiety. I don't know what this is but I for sure do not like it. What is his game? I don't know what it is but I'm so ready for the day to be over.

-after school-

I walk through the front door and walk passed my mom passed out on the rug. I sigh and grab the throw blanket from the couch and cover her up with it. Typical day... I walk to my room and plop down on my black bed. It's only the first day of school. How am I supposed to deal with all this. Maybe everyday won't be like this.
Ding
I look down at my phone and it's a text from Sammy.

Samantha❤️

Want me to bring you pizza and scary movies?

I smile and reply

Carolineeee🌸

Yes pls.

I toss my phone down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I can't stop thinking about what happened today with Spencer. He called me cute? Wtf!?! Like is he on crack? I'm gonna have to tell Sam all about it. Maybe she will know what the hell is going on. Maybe he's messing with me. I shouldn't dwell on it too much. It'll make me nuts.

~ sorry this took me so long to update!!!!! I had finals and the. Holiday break and I completely forgot this was a thing i was doing. Please keep commenting it helps motivates me ❤️ thank you for the support.
-Lex