Not Your Lover (2PARK✔️)

Step Sixteen: Explaining

i really like the emotion behind this song. it may not pertain directly to this chapter, but throughout 2park's growth in the story, there's always the underlying fear that they'll break at any moment.

Oh and Ha Sungwoon is quite possibly the most beautiful person I've ever had the chance to see in person, bye ❤

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We sneak into Jihoon's family home in the early hours of the morning, putting talk of last night behind us for the time being. Neither of us have much to say on it, shell-shocked through and through over Jihoon's brazen moves, and the questions that later ensued.

"It's your turn," I whispered up at him, his sigh hitting my cheeks in a hot flush. I felt  sudden relief as he rolled off of me, pulling his discarded blanket up around for warmth. His body pressed too close to my side, giving off enough heat as is, but the feeling was something I couldn't let myself push away.

"I don't think you know the answers to any more of my questions," he whispered back. His eyes squeezed themselves shut, and I could see every ounce of pain that he'd been storing there for far too long. For the first time since having met him, I begged him to just break. Just cry, and let it out.

"Try me." I wanted so badly to reach out and touch his cheek, but after the moment we'd just so awkwardly stepped past, I didn't know how my touch would affect him. I didn't know where we stood anymore. At least before he stole my breath away, I knew that we weren't what we once were, and we might not have the chance to be half that again. Now, lying beside him, I was shaking in fear of what I didn't understand.

Jihoon sighed into my shoulder, using his arm as a pillow as he snuggled deeper into the blanket. I couldn't tell if he was avoiding our conversation after what had just opened up, or if his fatigue was finally catching up, but I let him remain silent against me for a long time.

When he finally spoke, I realized that I'd been holding my breath for far too long, and the stale sigh that pushed past my teeth was a fleeting relief for my frail lungs.

"Why can't I keep pretending I'm not in love with you?"

Taeseok's bedroom window is open, and I wonder if it's left that way just for Jihoon and I. Jihoon doesn't pay it much mind when I voice my concern aloud, merely shrugging and stooping down to offer his knee. "Climb up first."

"Is your dad home?" I ask quietly, peeking into Taeseok's room from the high window. There's no sign of the elder brother, and the bedroom door waits open across from where I'm about to tumble in.

"How should I know?" Jihoon asks as he pats his knee gently, telling me to step up and hoist myself through the small space. "I trust that you can protect yourself if you run into him."

I glare down at him, hefting myself up by the window sill, using Jihoon's thigh as a tall step to vault myself over the gap perfectly. I land as lightly as I can, my eyes wide as I glance around the empty bedroom. I realize for the first time that there isn't a bed in the space, perhaps unable to fit with the domineering desk sat along the entire stretch of a wall.

I listen for any signs of life within the small home, hearing nothing but the morning breeze as it filters in through the still open window. This is definitely illegal, I tell myself as I turn back towards the gap in the wall, reaching out of it so Jihoon can use my hands as grips to enter. He climbs inside easily, brushing off his pants before moving straight towards Taeseok's desk. "Close the door," he whispers as he pulls open a large drawer at the base.

I carefully swing the door shut, turning the knob to keep it from making too sharp of a sound as it clicks closed. I turn to watch as Jihoon tugs out clothes that must belong to his brother, the drawer clearly dominated by sweatshirts and their pant-like compatriots. "Put these on." Jihoon tosses a pair of grey sweats at my chest, pulling out a similar pair for himself. He tosses me a fresh pair of socks as well, glancing down at my soaked pair still without shoes to protect them from the elements.