Trigger Warnings for Suicide & Self-Harm ‼️
As I run up the stairs, all I can see is black and white.
I don't even see where I'm going but I know where I'm going. I know this place like the back of my hand.
I know where I need to go.
I need to get to her.
I need to save her.
I fell down and stumbled a few times, but who cares. I need to get to her.
I wanted to take a breath when I reached her floor. I felt like my asthma was going to attack me. But I can't rest.
Not now.
So I ran.
I ran, my hand on my chest, to the door of her apartment.
I slammed my fist on the door and screamed for her.
No answer.
I slammed my fist once again and screamed.
I still didn't get any answer.
I didn't have any key to her apartment and if I called someone who did have a key, she might not be able to make it.
I can't let that happen.
God, please don't let that happen. It can't. It just can't.
It's not like I had any other option.
I slammed my shoulder to the door. I screamed for help from the neighbors. I grabbed the fire extinguisher and tried to use that to open the door.
I may have made too much noise because somebody came out.
I looked at him and begged for help.
"My girl. My love. She's trying to kill herself. It's an emergency. Please help me open the door. Please. I'm begging you."
He just looked at me, obviously trying to assess if he should believe me or not.
At that point, I was already crying.
Can't he see that I'm telling the truth?
I was expecting him to come and help but he just closed the door on me.
It was a waste of time.
I was losing hope. I was slipping down the door. I'm trying my best to stand up and scream for help and to open the door but my body was failing me.
My mind was getting clouded with the thoughts of her.
Thoughts of her on the floor.
Thoughts of her bloody.
Thoughts of her unconcious.
Thoughts of her gone.
It made me scream even louder. It made my cry harder. It made my heart ache stronger and beat faster.
No.
I won't let that happen.
No.
I stood up again. Physically and emotionally aching but I had renewed strength.
I need to save her.
I looked around for anything that could help to see the man's door open again.
He was holding an axe.
I suddenly saw everything in a new light. There was hope. There was hope for my love.
He walked to the door and motioned for me to step back. And I did.
He slammed the axe on the door multiple times before it created a hole large enough to pass through.
Before I could thank him he motioned me to go inside.
I just did as he said and bowed my head in appreciation.
I went inside the apartment, disoriented.
I had absolutely no idea where she was.
I went to the living room.
I went to the kitchen.
I went to her bedroom.
I found her in the bathroom.
I found her in the bathroom.
On the floor.
Bloody.
Holding a blade.
Every single moment I had with her flashed in my eyes at that moment.
I screamed her name once again.
And I saw her twitch. I saw her move.
She's not yet gone. She's still alive.
I watched as she attempted to turn her head to my direction.
I rushed to be beside her and I didn't know where to touch her. I didn't know how. I might hurt her.
I don't want to cause her any more pain.
"James. Love." I read her mouth as she tried her best to speak.
I watched as she attempted to reach for my face as I knelt there beside her.
"I love you," she whispered.
I cried harder.
"Don't you dare say anything near goodbye, Nadine. You are not leaving me. I won't allow it. You can't leave me love. You can't. I love you. Lauren had already called the ambulance. Kiana and Sam are on their way. "
I must have been talking too much as she put her finger on my mouth.
She then tugged my shirt and I came closer to her. I put my arms around her.
"Kiss me, please."
I kissed her. And she kissed me back.
And then I felt her stop. I felt her body fall in my arms.
And that was when I felt my world stop.
