Remnants of the Heart | Kim Taehyung

38: quitte

ACT 4 — SCENE 6.
SHE LEAVES

SEOJUNG FEELS like her brain is short-circuiting.

Usually never one to be ticked off her axis even when she has a lot on her plate, she admits that this time around she's already too close to the edge. That text set off all of the alarms inside her head. Drowns her in all the panic and fear her body could muster up to this point. She was too out of it on the way back that she missed her stop and had to walk ten minutes longer than necessary.

The plan was to go to her apartment before heading to the hospital to drop her stuff and grab a change of clothes just in case she needs to stay the night (hopefully she doesn't, because then things would have to be really bad). She already has a spare shirt and jeans in her hands, still contemplating on shoving them into her backpack because she doesn't want to jinx anything. Thinks about calling her mother's husband again to ask for more details. He didn't really offer a lot before and Seojung didn't think to question anything.

Seojung doesn't know what to do. God, she fucking wishes Jimin was here, can call him right now but she knows he might be in the middle of dance practice. It takes her another full minute before she decides to take the clothes, and then she's scrambling around her apartment to get everything else she needs, slipping her shoes on while grabbing her coat from the hanger that she almost trips.

When she finally opens the door, Taehyung's guilt-ridden face is the first thing she sees. His fist hangs in the air as if he was just about to knock, and yet the surprise that's reflected in his eyes tells her that he wasn't quite prepared to face her either way. Time freezes. Her previous panic screeches to a halt. Seojung stands in front of him stiff with only silence hanging in between. She's not sure why he's here, why it took him this long to come around, and knows that she has all the right to deny all his chances of trying to make things right, but her feet stay glued to the ground and unwillingly, she waits.

Waits for him to say sorry, to tell her that he didn't mean to rip apart her wounds all over again, waits for him to say everything she wants to hear and win some parts of her over because, let's face it, Seojung has always been a little too lovestruck for her own good. And Taehyung? Taehyung has written and rewritten his name on her heart no matter how many times she tries to erase his prints herself.

Taehyung opens and closes his mouth like the lost and scared boy that he is, until he finally clears his throat and looks at her in the eye, and asks, "can we talk?"

Instead of giving him an answer, Seojung closes the door behind her and pushes past him, quickly walking to the elevator and pressing the button several times despite knowing that it won't make it arrive faster.

"It'll just be a minute. Please." He's caught up to her. Fuck him and his long legs, she thinks.

"Now's not a good time." Seojung tries to avoid eye-contact but it's hard when Taehyung's literally just there.

"I'm sorry," he starts. Seojung feels her throat tighten. "I'm sorry and I know I've said that too many times already and it's not going to change things, but I'm sorry."

Her grip on her bag strap tightens. She can't have this. Not now. Not when her mind's all over the place.

"I was scared," Taehyung continues, "because you started to mean a lot more to me than I had ever expected so I guess that's why I acted the way I did. I thought I was doing you a favor, protecting you from whatever harm I will eventually bring since I know for a fact that I have the tendency to hurt the people I am closest to."

Taehyung's speech sounds practiced and she doesn't doubt that he probably had written everything beforehand prior to mustering up the courage to finally talk to her again. Had probably hand-picked the best words that he knows she would love to hear, and she's only willing to silently admit that he'd done a good job.

The elevator arrives. Taehyung steps in with her.

"But maybe I was protecting myself more than anything else. I had broken too many hearts already, I didn't want to add you to my list."

Seojung sighs at that. She keeps her eyes on the numbers above the doors, each one lighting up as she descends lower and lower. Taehyung's presence next to her feels to suffocating in a small space like this. Maybe she should have taken the fucking stairs.

"I never had to worry about driving away the girls I had been with in the past because I couldn't give two shits about them. They were just distractions, and for a while I wanted you to be too. Because it'd be easier that way, right? Told myself that I was just your rebound and that you were one of my conquests."

Now, she rolls her eyes. Kind of forces herself to. If anything, this just proves how much of a hypocrite he is.

"But you're not. You're—" he falters. Seojung dares to meet his eyes and regrets it. "You're too close to home and it's terrifying, but maybe I also kind of love you for it."

Wants to tell him that's bullshit. If anything, she is home. They're home together, both literally and figuratively, and that's something she will always hold dear to her heart. Seoul is still a big city and Taehyung is the kind of familiar she needs in an intimidating place like this, but maybe it's time she gives her heart a break.

"I do. Love you, that is. I just—I haven't felt like this for a long time and I didn't know how to tell you. I've known you for all my life and I didn't want to ruin what we already and—"

The elevator stops just as he finishes the sentence. And nothing, she supposes. Funny how Taehyung's words barely reach her, barely feel anything, when once upon a time they would have been the only ones she'd want to hear coming out of his mouth. She doesn't think about the word but thinks about how it barely weighs anything hearing it now.

"Say something."

"I have somewhere to be." Seojung starts walking, sparing him no glance because she's slowly coming to terms with the fact that he deserves none.

"I never wanted to hurt you."

"Then you wouldn't have!" She spins on her heel so abruptly that Taehyung almost collides with her. "What do you want me to say? That it's fine? That things between us are okay? They're not and you know it. You can't just say shit like that and expect me to be all over again. I'm so fucking exhausted, Taehyung."

That manages to shut him up. Taehyung looks small like this, eyes trying to find somewhere to hide but fails when he realizes Seojung's not letting him. For once, she stands her ground and lets it all out on him, and maybe some of it is a product of her ever-growing stress over the things happening in her life right now but it feels nice to not have to bottle things up anymore.

"I could stand here and tell you about how I felt for months, always in doubt when it comes to your feeling for me, but I really have to go."

Seojung leaves him then, struck with some kind of liberating feeling when she storms out of the building finally. She only looks back once. Taehyung doesn't follow.

—
haha hi its been a while if you're confused or have forgotten what the fuck is going on i suggest rereading a couple of chapters 💔 i wrote most of this months (maybe even over a year) ago so im trying to make things make sense myself.... as always thoughts and comments are appreciated....

also this is the end of act 4! long overdue ik but act 5 will be the last one

[Q] WHAT DO YOU THINK OF TAEHYUNG'S 'APOLOGY'?

stay hydrated,
mara