Again

Chapter 5

Later that morning, Kayla woke up to shuffling and hushed whispers echoing throughout the hallway outside of her bedroom.  She opened here eyes and looked towards her door, surprised to find it open.  She sat up in bed and immediately regretted it.  There was an angry pounding happening in her brain, and she knew it was due to the tears and champagne from the night before.  She stood up trying to gain enough strength to make it to her door to shut it, and get back to her bed.  Her body was loud and clear about the fact that it was in no condition to function at the moment.  As she reached the door, she saw Isaac reaching out for it from the other side of the threshold.  He pulled his hand back as Kayla appeared in the doorway.
"Well, good morning sunshine," Isaac said sarcastically as he eyed Kayla.
"You're screaming," Kayla said rubbing at her temples.  
Isaac chuckled, "I'm not, but I was coming over to close the door because I didn't want to wake you."
"Too late," Kayla replied.  "Why are you here?  I thought you guys were flying out from Georgia?"
"I don't have a reason to go to Georgia," Isaac said.  He noticed the disappointment on Kayla's face.
"Gotcha.  What are you going in Zac's room?" Kayla noticed the open suitcase on the floor of Zac's doorway.
"Packing," Isaac replied as he rolled his eyes.  "Tweedledee and Tweedledum 'forgot' to do so and apparently didn't realize until a couple hours into their trip."
"Wow," Kayla began, "That's pretty dumb.  I guess all the excitement from last night has Tay's brain a little pre-occupied. And Zac, well, we all know Zac never packs his own bags so no surprise there.  You need help?"
Isaac was taken back by her offer.  It was true, Zac never packed his own stuff because their mother or Kayla had always done it for him.  He was surprised that even after their fight, Kayla was willing to do this for him.   When Taylor had called Isaac to tell him about them forgetting to pack, he briefly told Isaac what'd happened when he and Kayla had talked, and when Zac came home.  Isaac tried to tell Taylor that this was what Zac and Kayla did, which was true.  The last few months all they did was fight, but Taylor knew this was different.  Whatever pain Kayla was feeling was beginning to change her and he wasn't sure she'd be able to deal with it much longer.
"I'm almost done in here," Isaac said, "Jess was helping me so we got one bag packed and in the living room.  If you can help me start Taylor's stuff so then I can get started on my own, that would be great."
"Yeah that's no problem," she said, "Just let me try to revive myself a little bit and I'll get started."
Kayla went to her bedroom and grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of jeans.  She walked into the bathroom and took a quick shower.  Once she was done, she turned off the water and stood in front of the foggy mirror.  She wiped it clear and stared back at her own reflection.  She looked like hell.  She knew it was from the crying and the lack of sleep, but there was something else that bothered her as she looked back at herself.  She could see the sadness in her eyes.  The last couple of years had definitely taken a toll on her mind and her heart.  She stared into her eyes for a few moments trying to figure out when things had gone left so badly in her life.  She was a control freak by nature.  Everything in her life was always organized and planned out.  For a long time she wondered if that was why she always felt such a pull to the Hanson's.  Their life had been crazy from the second she walked into their home.  It was loud and chaotic; a stark contrast to the life of quiet she'd grown accustomed to living with her mother.  Even in the rare moments when her mom was around to care for her, Kayla always did her best to keep quiet and stay out of her hair.  There were a few good memories that Kayla held on to, but at this point in her life she wasn't sure if they were the only ones she'd ever had with her mother, or just the ones she could still remember.  It didn't take long for Kayla to realize, even at a young age, that she preferred the noise over the quiet.  Every night when Grandma Rose would tell her it was time to come home, she'd sit in her bedroom and think about how she wanted a family just the Hanson's when she grew up.  A husband who loved her, and was an amazing father to all the kids she wanted to have running around in her own home.  She wanted to be the type of mother Diana Hanson was to her kids and the type of wife she was to her husband.  She wanted someone to love and support and call her best friend.  The excitement she once felt while having these thoughts, had now been replaced with sadness.  She thought for sure Zac would be the one she'd be the perfect wife to.  She often would think, 'When I tell people he was my best friend, it'll be so much better than saying he became my best friend later.'  As she'd started to learn though, life had it's own plans for her, whether she liked them or not.

She shook the thoughts out of her head as she brushed her teeth and got dressed.  She noted that her head felt so much better, but a cup of coffee couldn't hurt.  After brushing out her hair, she grabbed her clothes off the floor and opened up the door.  Zac's room was now empty, so she figured Isaac was done in there.  She grabbed the doorknob and shut his door.  She made her way into her bedroom and put her dirty clothes into her hamper.  She grabbed her cell phone and went into her kitchen.
"Hey Jessie," she said when she saw the oldest Hanson girl sitting at the kitchen island.  She walked over and gave her a quick hug. "I heard Ike put you to work?"
"Yeah.  How someone forgets to pack for a two and a half month trip is beyond me, but hey, I just do what I'm told."  Jessica said.  
Kayla laughed as she poured herself a cup of coffee.  'Thank God for Isaac,"  she thought to herself.  She excused herself from the kitchen and walked down the hallway heading towards Taylor's room, passing Isaac's bedroom on the way.
"Hey, Kayla!" Isaac called out.  Kayla turned around and stood in his doorway.
"Yeah?"
"I hope you know I wasn't trying to be intrusive last night.   I really just wanted to come home to check on you.  It's not like you to miss a party." Isaac said as he walked up to her.
"I know, Ike.  Thank you, I appreciate that.  I just, " she paused to gather her thoughts.
"I just didn't feel like pretending yesterday.  Anytime she's around, I'm always pretending, you know?  Pretending I don't care, pretending I'm having a good time, pretending I'm not jealous.  I just wasn't in the mood for it.  We had a fight, obviously because that's what we do, but something was different this time.  Also, I know it makes him uncomfortable to be around the both of us, so I figured he'd enjoy his time with her if I wasn't there."
"You're amazing," Isaac said. Kayla wasn't sure how to take that.  She stayed quiet.  "Even after all he's done to you, you still take him into consideration."
"I mean, it's not all on him.  I went along with it too, you know?  Plus, the person it's really unfair to is Kate.  I don't like her, but only because of Zac.  If he and I weren't--" she paused and looked at Isaac.  She had never really admitted the extent of her and Zac's relationship to him.  "If we weren't involved then I'm sure I'd have no problem with her.  I may even like her, I don't know.  I've never given her a fair chance.  But, regardless of that, it's wrong for us to put her through something she's completely blind to."
Isaac was shocked that Kayla had just shared so much with him.  She was always a vocal person, always had no problem telling anyone how she felt about something even if it made them uncomfortable or if it was the unpopular opinion.  It was one of the things he admired about her, she was always so sure of herself.  When it came to Zac, though, it was rare that she'd let anyone else in.
"That's so mature of you Kayla.  And if it makes you feel any better, he doesn't deserve you.   And if he doesn't see what an amazing person you are and why you deserve so much better than what he's done to you, regardless of whether or not you went along with it, then he's an idiot."
Kayla gave Isaac a sad smile, "Coming from you, that means so much.  Thank you.  Unfortunately though, it doesn't make me feel better.   I think it'll be a while before I feel better but thank you for caring enough to ask.   I never want you to feel like you're in the middle or like you have to choose sides.  You work with Zac, and at the end of all this, he's still your brother."
Isaac reached out and hugged Kayla.  He'd meant what he said, she deserved better and in that moment he knew that he needed to talk to his brother.  Someone needed to get through to him.
"He may be my brother, Kayla, but you are one of my best friends.  Don't forget that.  I love you."
Kayla smiled as she hugged him back, "I love you too, Ike."  The separated from their embrace. "I'd better get started on Tay's bags.  Thanks again."  She kissed him on the cheek and continued to make her way down the hallway into Taylor's room.  

The next couple of days were uneventful.  Kayla and Isaac hung out until he left for Los Angeles,  talking about everything from Isaac's many girlfriends to plans Kayla had for her future and everything in between.  It was true, that they'd always been close, but this was one of the first times they'd hung out alone.  Usually either Zac, Taylor, or both of them were there.  
Once he was gone, Kayla found herself welcoming her quiet home.  It had never reached the volume that the Hanson's house usually did, but there was always some type of noise going on.  For the most part, that was how Kayla preferred it.  It made her feel happy and safe.  Quiet usually brought back too many sad memories for her, however this quiet felt different.  She felt like this was the time for her to clear her mind, refresh and refocus. Due to her being able to take extra credits while home-schooling, she only had a little less than a year to go before she'd be able to get her diploma.  She'd officially be done with high school around Christmas time.  Thinking about it brought back an excitement she thought she'd lost.  She'd spent so much time going through the motions in her life, that she'd almost forgotten all of her own dreams until she sat down and talked to Isaac about them.  She wanted to study medicine, become a doctor and ultimately become a surgeon.   

"Hi Mrs. Hanson," Kayla called out as she entered the Hanson's home and made her way into the kitchen where Diana was chopping a fruit salad.  
"Hi Kayla!" Diana said as she put her knife down and embraced Kayla.  Once she let go, Kayla picked at the pile of freshly washed grapes and popped one in her mouth.  Diana laughed, "You are just like those boys.  They can never keep their grubby hands off!"
"Hey, my hands aren't grubby!" Kayla playfully responded.  Diana chuckled a bit and went back to chopping her fruit.  Kayla stood silently for a few moments, watching Diana but not really paying any attention to what she was doing.  
"What's going on, dear?" Diana finally asked.  She knew something was going on with Kayla and she was hoping that she would choose to confide in her, even though it had been quite a while since the two of them had spoken alone.  Kayla paused.  She'd always felt comfortable around Diana, but lately she'd been standoffish with anyone who wasn't Zac.  She didn't want to be judged for allowing herself to be in the situation she was in, so instead she closed herself off.  She'd still show up for family dinners and parties, but something inside her always made her feel like things weren't the same with anyone.
"Nothing's wrong.  I think I'm just feeling a little weird lately. With the guys being gone and me being so close to being done with school, it's kind of like I'm waiting for everything to finish and start at the same time." Kayla finally said.  It was the truth. With Zac, and outside of him, she felt like she was in limbo with everything she had going on.
"I understand," Diana replied.  "Growing up is scary, sweetheart.  It's perfectly normal to feel a little hesitation." She once again put the knife down on the cutting board, and turned to look at Kayla.  "I know you love my boys.  And God knows I am grateful for you being in their lives, but remember that the sun doesn't rise and set with them.  Unless you are interested in a career in music, those boys are going to continue to come in and out of your life.  At times, with little more than a moment's notice.  I know growing up is hard, dear, but always remember how amazing you are.  Don't let the fear of temporarily being alone hold you back from doing all the great things you want to do in life.  You deserve better than to wait on anyone.  And we'll always be here.  All of us.  You are part of this family no matter what.  I know it's not the same, and I know that we can't make up for the hurt you feel about losing Rose, but we love you.  You'll always have someplace to call home in this house.  Don't forget that."
Kayla wrapped her arms around the woman who'd been more of a mother to her than her own had for most of her life.  She was right.  Kayla knew that she had to start planning her life without thinking about how she was going to fit the boys into it.  They'd done it.  And she was proud of them for it. She felt renewed hope that things with Zac, no matter what way they ended up going, would work out.  He was her best friend.  She knew in the end nothing could or ever would change that.
"Thank you," Kayla said as she let go and wiped at the small tears forming in the corners of her eyes.  Diana smiled warmly back at her before turning back to the fruit sitting on the cutting board.  They spent the rest of the afternoon chatting about everything and nothing at all.  Kayla felt happy for the first time in a while and she'd hoped that she could continue that attitude whenever she spoke with Zac next.