Hunger

t w e n t y - t h r e e

Week 4

The building was already full, which was odd since I was usually the first to get there. I quickly go inside, and all the girls are already training, and I frown confuse.

I go to the locker room and leave my bag there, not changing into my leotard. I usually come ready, but today I was feeling lazy. I see Mel and she comes to me with half a smile.

"Where have you been?" She asks hugging me. "Are you okay?" She asks worried.

"Yeah why?" I ask shrugging.

"You missed training every day this week." She replies frowning. "And you're late today."

"Late?" I ask even more confused.

"Yes." She answers frowning. "We've been practicing every day from four to nine this week. Coach is all paranoid about regionals next week."

I stare at her surprise. "I'll be right back." I say going to his office.

"If I was you I wouldn't bother him." She says shrugging. "He's about to announce the lucky girls that he has picked."

I feel my heart raising, knowing I was screwed. He wasn't lying, I'm out, he didn't tell me about practice. When I was about to go inside, he comes out, a paper on his hand.

He stares at me and stops, but quickly walks to the middle of the room.

"Everyone!" He shouts making all the girls stop. "Come here, now."

All the girls gather around him, and so do I. He had the names on his hand, and I wasn't in there. I knew it for a fact, but I needed to know who took my place, who were the lucky ladies.

"I'm going to name the eight girls that will join me next weekend on the trip to regionals." He says with a smile. "If I don't call you that doesn't mean you get to train less or give up, just because is not your turn now, doesn't mean next time you won't get it again." He continues, loudly, his face completely serious. "And if anything meant to happen to the main girls, which we pray God it won't, one of you will get to take over her."

"Melissa Green." He says, and I see Mel smiling from the other side of the circle.

That should be me.

"Olivia Perez."

"Bailey White."

"Stephanie Mendez."

"Meredith Miller."

"Naideen Oliver."

"Katie Johnson."

"And last but not least," he says staring at me. "Cameron Jones."

All the girls cheer and smile, happy to be chosen. Even the unlucky ones were happy for the other, hugging and kissing them. I just stand there feeling heartbroken and depressed. It was all for nothing. My obsession, being perfect, losing weight to please him and I didn't even make it.

"Back to work guys!" He shouts making the girls lower their voices. "I'll be back in a second."

I turn around, knowing he wanted to talk to me. I just wanted to grab my bag, leave this place, and never come back. If I wasn't going to make it to regionals or practice, what was the point anymore?

"Katherine." He whispers entering the locker room with me and closing the door behind him. "Can we talk?" He asks crossing his arms. "In my office."

"There's nothing to say." I reply, trying hard to hold my tears. "I'm out of the team, I didn't make it to regionals and we both know I didn't go to the doctor."

"Katherine-"

"I thought you were lying." I laugh crying. "I didn't think you were actually suspending me and not letting me go to regionals."

"You left me no other option!" He says sighing. "If you weren't so obsessed with your weight, if you had stopped when I told you to stop! If you would have listened."

"You said I was overweight." I whisper, taking a sit in the bench between the lockers. "I did it for you, to please you."

He stares at me, pain, guilt, pity was written all over his face. "I never meant for you to do this, to get this bad."

"I only lost three pounds this week." I say trying to prove something, that wasn't worth proving, I lost three pounds. Still something, even if for me meant failure. "It's not that much."

He takes a sit next to me, sighing, feeling sorry for me. "I'm going to call your mom, you know that, right?" He asks, putting his hand on top of mine.

I nod, cleaning my tears. "Whatever." I say standing up. "I'm never coming back here. I'm done with gymnastics." I say grabbing my bag.

"Wait." He says standing up too. "I'm sorry." He says hugging me. "But you're sick."

I stand there, between his arm, wanting to say stop saying that. But part of me felt like he was right. Maybe I was sick, even if I didn't want to admit, that doesn't mean I'm getting better.

"Bye coach Harvey." I say kissing him on the cheek and leaving the locker room.

I walk outside the building, balling my eyes out. Not calling anyone to pick me up. I was walking home, even if it's a three-mile walk. I needed the exercise anyways. By the time I get home coach would have probably called mom and she would know, what a failure I am.

All the things I did were for this and is just gone. I thought I didn't need gymnastics or regionals, but it wasn't until I lost it, that I realized how much it meant to me. What am I supposed to do now? That's the only thing I was good at.

I guess now I will have to be good at one thing; losing the weight that is holding me back.