Hunger

t w e n t y - s i x

"Aren't you going to eat that?" Nate asks, half smiling. Something in his eyes seemed different today.

"I'm not hungry." I reply staring at the table just a few feet from the couch.

I was extremely comfortable laying in his couch, both my legs on his lap.

He sighs, and I turn to look at him. "I talked to your brother." He says seriously.

I quickly sit straight, making sure my useless uniform skirt didn't show anything. "What about?" I ask crossing my arms, to feel a little warmer. Lately I'm cold all the time.

"You." He sighs coming closer to me. "You can talk to me, you know that, right?" He says grabbing my hand.

I say nothing, and he sighs, grabbing the plate from the table. "Just a bite." He whispers and kisses my cheek.

"I can't." I whisper feeling ashamed and wanting to cry.

"Why?" He asks putting the plate back to where it belong.

I couldn't lie, that Chinese food seemed delicious, and I was hungry, but something inside me wouldn't let me. Fear.

"Because." I say standing up. "I'm not hungry." I whisper grabbing my bag.

"He said you would said that." He replies standing up too.

I stare at him, and sigh. Really? Not only was Christopher making my life awful at home but now he was here, between Nate and me. All I want is to be alone, to not think about food, which is the only thing I can think about all the time, but somehow, he was everywhere.

"Stop." I say not looking at him. "We are not talking about this."

"Why not?" He asks raising his brows. "I'm your-" He quickly stops. "I think I'm your boyfriend, you should talk to me about this kind of stuff." He continues exasperated. "I care about you."

"Since when?" I ask frowning. "You clearly didn't care before if it took you this long to realize something was wrong!" I shout angry. "You needed my brother to tell you I'm sick, to see what's in front of you?" I ask sad.

"I notice." He says shrugging taking a step closer to me. "What was I supposed to say? You lost weight? Are you sick? Girls don't like when boys talk about their weight. I didn't want to fight."

I stare at him from the corner of my eyes. He was kind of right in some sort of way, but I still couldn't believe him. He literally sees me in ways no else does, and he never said anything. That was part of the reason why I liked being with him all the time, he didn't care, he never said anything. But maybe he should have?

"I'm going home." I say walking past him. "See you tomorrow at school."

"Wait!" He says irritated. "This is what I was trying to avoid." He whispers closing his eyes. "You're mad at me."

"I'm not." I lie shrugging. "I just want to be alone."

I cross the street and make it home. Angry at Nate, but angrier at Chris for ruining the last good thing I had. I get upstairs and walk inside my room, throwing the door behind me.

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering where I went wrong. I should have hide it better. Maybe if I had worn baggier clothes, eat more in front of people, just to purge in secret. No one would have suspected a thing. Why did I deny eating in front of Christopher? Maybe fooling him would have make things different. Maybe if I was never fat, I wouldn't have needed to lose weight on the first place and coach Harvey wouldn't have kick me off the team.

I hear my bedroom door opening, and sigh, turning to look at him.

"Haven't you heard of knocking?" I shout angry turning my view back to the ceiling.

"Home so early?" He jokes standing in front of me. "What happened to Nate?"

"You happened!" I shout back glaring at him.

He stays quiet and crosses his arm, somehow happy about it.

"I didn't ruin you." He replies taking a sit next to me. "I'm not the reason you got sick, it's not a virus that you get, I didn't give you an eating disorder. You happened." He says, and I sit up straight.

"Shut up." I murmur angry.

How I wanted to slap his face so badly right now. He grabs my arm and pulls me back to the bed.

"It's not my fault you're sick." He whispers rubbing my cheek with his hand. "But I can help you get better." He whispers, now having my face between his hand. He smiles, and I roll my eyes.

"Are you trying to flirt your way to my betterness?" I ask pushing him. "I remember our conversation the other day." I say sighing.

"If it's going to make you come back to your senses then I might as well give it a try." He replies rolling his eyes.

"Gross." I whisper annoyed.

"I'm not your brother." He says standing up.

"I know that." I say crossing my arms.

"You have never seen me as your brother and you will probably never see me like one." He continues exasperated. "So why is it so hard for you to imagine-

"Stop." I say standing up too and going in front of him. "Don't you dare finish that sentence." I whisper in shock.

That was it. He was in love with me? I wonder terrified. But why? I'm awful to him, I hate him. Why is he acting this way?

"Katherine." He whispers coming closer to me, but I took a step back.

"Can we talk about me again." I say changing the subject. "Want me to eat something?" I quickly add walking away.

He sighs and takes a paper out of his pocket, giving it to me. I stare at it and look back at him. He didn't.

"What is this?" I whisper, feeling the lump in my throat.

"I'm taking you this weekend." He says shrugging. "And I know you're going to hate me and I don't care, but you need help."

"I didn't ask you to do this!" I shout throwing the paper to the ground.

"I don't care!" He replies angry. "He's one of the best in the city." He adds trying to make me hate the idea less.

"I'm not going." I reply crying.

"Just once." He whispers coming closer to him. "Just to talk to him, maybe you won't hate it as much when you get there."

"I'm not stupid." I say drying my tears. "He can lock me up in some institution if he feels like it!" I add scared. "I'm underage, he can make me go there." I whisper terrified.

"Katherine please." He says desperate. "You're not fooling anyone. If you don't get help, you're not getting better and you will die!"

"I don't care!"

"Well I do!" He shouts back and kisses me.