Hunger

t h i r t y - t w o

I stare at her face, waiting for an answer, but she doesn't do or say anything. I was growing impatient, scared of knowing what she thought.

"Mom?" I say touching her hand.

I see Christopher creeping from the door, I asked him to wait outside. This is something I should tell her alone.

"How long?" She asks, a hand on her chest.

"Maybe a month." I whisper.

She doesn't say anything for another few minutes and I stare at my hands, feeling awful about myself.

"This is my fault." She cries, moving her head. "I pushed too far, I made you do something like that!"

"Mom-

"You're sick." She whispers, drying her tears. "You need to see a doctor, before it's too late!"

"Mom I'm not dying." I say frowning. "And I'm already going to a doctor." I reply annoyed at her.

"Since when?" She asks surprise.

"A few weeks." I reply, noticing how she was completely fine now, not a tear in her face. "Christopher made me go."

"And you didn't tell me?" She asks shocked.

"I mean," I say confuse. "You would have talk me out of it."

"Knowing now what you really are going through," she says, pretending to cry again. "I wouldn't have denied it."

"I'm getting better." I say, wanting this conversation to be over. "I'm not doing that anymore, am eating, and not exercising that much anymore."

I wanted to lie and say I didn't missed it, but without my habits I felt empty now, like something in my life was missing. I felt like I was different because of my disorder and now I'm normal, just like everyone else. I wasn't special anymore, and I missed it.

After another ten awkward minutes of conversation with my mother I left to my room. Glad that whatever that was, was over. I thought she actually cared at the beginning, but like always she ended up making it about her.

I was glad, when Saturday came, and she left with Damien. Turns out they are leaving for five days and coming back on Wednesday. Which is odd, but I didn't question them.

It was currently seven pm, and I was home alone. Christopher was taking my sister to a sleepover, which was depressing. Even my little sister had a better social life than me. Nate was at a family dinner since his brother was in town and I was just drowning in my misery.

I was tempted to weigh myself, but I feared facing the truth. With all my eating, even if it was minimal and low "healthy" foods, I probably gained. I'm not even supposed to have a scale, but if Christopher takes it, I'm probably never seeing it again.

I throw myself in bed, feeling slightly hungry, but pretending I didn't felt it. Until I fell asleep in between my thoughts and woke up later feeling extremely thirsty.

I go downstairs and hear laughing coming from the living room, which was odd because it was supposed to be only Chris and I.

I go inside and there he was, with Melanie from school. I frown and pretend I'm not surprised or annoyed to be precise.

"You're here?" He asks confused, trying not to laugh of whatever it was they found so funny.

"I live here." I say sarcastically.

"I thought you were at Nate's." He says shrugging.

"Family dinner." I say through gritted teeth.

From all the girls from school, he had to bring Melanie? I think full of loathe. If only he knew half the things she has said to me!

"Oh." Was all he said.

"You and Nate are together?" She asks with her annoying voice.

"None of your business." I say with a fake smile.

I leave the room and go to the kitchen, needing more than water to cool me down. I drank the water angrily and fast, regretting it afterwards.

"Are you okay?" Christopher asks entering the kitchen.

"Never been better." I reply filling the cup again, just to drink it as fast as before.

"What's the matter?" He asks coming closer to me.

"All the girls in school and you had to bring Melanie?" I ask drinking my third cup.

"You don't like her?" He asks frowning.

"She's never given me a reason to." I say filling the fourth cup.

"Slow down with the water." He says taking the jug away from me and putting it in the fridge. "Well I like her, she's nice."

I scoff, and he frowns. "I thought this is what you wanted." He says crossing his arms. "For me to get over you." He whispers looking at the door.

"Couldn't it be with another person?" I ask rolling my eyes.

"I don't judge you for being with Nate."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask annoyed. "You don't like him?"

"You can't blame me for hating him." He says angry. "He has you."

"Chris?" I hear her voice, and she appears quickly after through the door. "What's taking you so long."

I scoff again, and he glares at me. "I'm going to leave you two alone." I say with the cup still in my hand and going up the stairs.

Unbelievable. I throw my door, on purpose and jump on my bed. Just what I needed right now. I feel the water inside me, and regret drinking four cups of water that fast. Now my stomach hurts too.

I text Nate, wanting to know when he was coming home, so I could leave as soon as possible, but he said they weren't coming home for at least another hour.

The only good thing about the water, was the fact that my hunger went away, which was great. But it brought me memories from before, and how I liked doing that.

"Life sucks." I whisper hugging my pillow.

I heard their steps in the hallway and close my eyes. I knew what was happening next. I couldn't be in my room to hear them, doing it. The fact that Melanie was going to be with him was infuriating. After everything she said about my family, she had the nerve to come here.

After I heard his room door closing, I got out of my room, and went to the only place in this house where I couldn't hear them having sex. The gym, which was a huge mistake, because I ended up exercising, for more than just an hour.