Dear Journal

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So my shoutout is to @SillyTimeTravelDuck for guessing correctly on my quote. Im thinking Im going to start doing this in every chapter. And this chapter will be a flash back of self harm, as Carley. If this triggers or angers you I would suggest skipping this chapter. Its not exactly vital to the story but it will explain certain things about why she's come back. And again IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU SKIP THIS PART. And also....please read the authors note at the end. Its very important to me. And it would be nice to listen to the music as well.

Thank you. Vote. Comment. Share. Add. Enjoy my lovely Kits

~Babyfox.

I wake up groaning, my body feel as if its on fire. Cautiously I glance down, wondering how much damage my father has done. My arms were littered with darkening bruises, and adorned bright, angry looking scars, and cuts. Results of my depression. 

He did this to me. He made me like this. The beating, the yelling, the touching. Things I can't tell anyone. Things I've never told anyone. Felicia is different though. I grew up with her. Her mom and dad are my mom and dad. My mom was her mom. But my dad killed my mom. See my mom had these crazy seizures, and sometimes they made her black out. Well my dad pushed her down the stairs one day, and blamed it on a seizure, and she hit her head and died. He did it to be alone with me.

"I love you Car. I love you alot." His voice. Always in my head. Always there. Taunting. Daunting. Terrifying. (those who get this get a shoutout next part)

Slowly I stand from my position on the floor, and make my way downstairs, every step, every pain between my legs sends a horrible reminder through my mind. 

One step closer Carley. One step closer to your death. One step closer to the abuser. One step closer to the RAPIST. 

The voice screams at me. I wince and shake my head as I step into the foyer downstairs.

"Car? Is that you baby?" No no no no shut up. Assume its your imagination. Please god please dont let him notice me.

"There you are sweety. I was wondering when you would get up." His footsteps draw to a stop behind me, and he wraps me into a hug, his nose nestled within my dark hair, and he breathes in deeply.

"How did you sleep darling?" I shiver, imaging the wide grin stretching from his lips, and he chuckles. "I take it that means well after daddy helped you rest." No no no please look at the time. Be late! Rush away! DONT TOUCH ME. 

His hand caresses my thigh, and I flinch. 

Just take it Carley. Rest on the wall and take it. He'll never leave you alone if you dont.

And I do. Like a good girl.

After he leaves for work I crawl to the kitchen, biting my lip so hard I draw blood. Slowly I hold a knife in my hand, and cut my arm. 

One cut for my mother.

One cut for my unborn brother.

One cut for every bruise.

One cut for my virginity.

One cut for every time after.

I cut. And cut. And cut. Until I fall asleep from the pain.
(Okay this chapter is depressing. I understand those who skipped it had reason. But i based this character, Carley, off of a friend of mine who actually went through this and committed suicide because of it. I know from experience this isnt something to joke about. If this happens to you, or ever has happened. Come forward. Please for everyone. Vote. Comment. Follow. share. Love you my kits
~babyfox

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